Mark, I'd hate to be in your shoes when the park ranger sees this!

Hey, you were driving the car, Mr. big-time angel!

Yeah, but you were distracting me with all that 'cutting your beard' talk. What was that?

I can't talk about getting a whisker trim without you denting the only ride we have by running into a 1000-lb animal?

Can't you just make it come back to life so we can make it to the campground where those gorgeous chicks were the other night? Nobody is going to miss one lousy bear. Especially this one; he stinks.

You forget I am half human. And the human part sees us in the human lock-up if we don't get the critter moved and hidden.

OK, help me drag his carcas over to the woods.

JONATHAN IS PICKING HIS NOSE

(unashamed)

Be with you in a minute.

MARK STARTS TO PULL THE BEAR WITHOUT JONATHAN'S HELP

Ow! Ooh my groin! OW!

MARK DROPS THE BEAR, WHO HE HADN'T MOVED ONE INCH, AND BEGINS TO EXAMINE HIMSELF

Hey! Here? Right in front of me? Come on, buddy, at least go over there out of my sight.

What's wrong, no men's locker rooms in Heaven?

Seriously, I think I have pulled something. It's killing me.

Come over here. Where is the pain?

All around this area.

MARK POINTS TO HIS LOWER REGIONS

Probably yanked a Sartorius tendon.

JONATHAN PUTS HIS HANDS ON MARK'S GROIN AND STARES AND SMILES, TRANCE-LIKE

Yep, I was right. You're toast. And you're warm!

Hey! What the ... ? Back off! Can you fix it or not?

(looking puzzled)

Ah, no I can't. I'm an angel not a doctor.

JUST THEN, THE BEAR BEGINS TO MOVE A LITTLE.

Hey! Look out! He's moving! Let's get outta here!

Wait, Mark. He may need our help. What are you, chicken?

Hey, don't call me chicken. I mean it.

(laughing)

You baby! This bear is a friendly bear. One of the friendliest bears that could ever be. Almost human.

And you know this how? ...

Ah, Angel? ... Duh!?

Hey, that angel crap seems to come and go more or less capriciously. How do I know when you can be supernatural and when you can't?!

JUST THEN THE BEAR ROLLS OVER AND GETS UP AND STANDS ON HIS HIND LEGS, GROWLING

(to the bear)

Easy, big fella.

Friendly bear, huh? Whoa, he's a monsta! That thing has to be 20 feet tall!

(looks at Mark with dopey expression)

Twenty feet? He's not even 6 feet. Five feet, tops. Like Hop Sing was.

JONATHAN NOTICES THE BEAR MOVING HIS ARM

Hey, what is he doing?

Looks like he's reaching in his pocket.

Pocket? Uh, would that be the pocket of his, fur coat?

Very funny.

Hop Sing?!

You stooge! He doesn't have pockets!

Maybe we ought to tranquilize him until we figure out what to do.

Ah, sorry buddy, I don't happen to have any of that type juice on me.

And you call yourself an angel! Pitiful.

I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

No kidden', Jonathan, what are we going to do now?

Well, do you know anything about hypnosis?

Doesn't it require a watch and a chain, or something like that?

Stand aside, you dummy.

Hey, that's two semi-incendiary epithets you have hurled at me in the last few minutes.

So! What are you going to do, quit and go back to your other job?

(laughing heartily)

If you weren't so well connected I'd mess you up, but good!

(pretending to pray hard with squinty eyes)

I'm reporting your insolence right now.

(hearing someone coming)

Hey, what's that?

What's what?

That noise.

Maybe it was the bear. He's up and not looking too happy, you know.

No, I heard a noise like a squirrel squawking.

You scared of little squirrels now?

(seeing a uniformed man walking up)

Hey. Who's that coming?

Where?

(pointing at the approaching park ranger)

Right there.

Hello.

Hello officer.

Say, who are you two clowns? Why is this big bear just standing there?

Hey, he's right. After the bear got up, it hasn't done anything.

MARK LEANS OVER AND RAPS ON THE BEAR'S SKULL A FEW TIMES

Hey! Anybody home!?

ALL YUK IT UP

That's because I'm not a bear.

SECOND OFFICER TAKES BEAR HEAD OFF

You two birds are under arrest for driving recklessly on federal property and for so callously dismissing a bear's death.

Hey, I wasn't doing anything. He was driving!