HOP SING IS BUSY BRINGING VARIOUS DISHES OUT OF THE KITCHEN AND PLACING THEM ON THE TABLE

BEN IS LOOKING OVER THE SPREAD AND LICKING HIS CHOPS

Oh boy, Hop Sing, this looks good! What is it, some sort of steak?

Hop Sing serve Mr. Cartwright deluxe cabbage roll with shrimp.

Shrimp?! What is shrimp?

Shrimp plural. Shrimp little fish. Fish plural too. But not matter. Hop Sing serve mock shrimp. Old Chinese delicacy. Made from cabbage, beans, and more cabbage.

This meal's a little heavy on the cabbage isn't it? Wasn't that cabbage we had yesterday? And the day before? What gives, Hop Sing?

Don't know. Hop Sing must have what you cowboy call wild hair.

THE CARTWRIGHTS ALL YUK IT UP AT THE CHINAMAN'S USE OF SUCH AN IDIOM.

HOP SING LAUGHS ALONG WITH THEM

HOSS IS SQUIRMING IN HIS SEAT, BEING MADE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH HIS CONTINUING STOMACH TROUBLES

What say we all dig in!

THE ONLY SOUNDS HEARD ARE THE CLINKING OF UTENSILS HITTING PLATES AND A FAINT HISSING SOUND

PRESENTLY, BEN, WHILE CHEWING THE CABBAGE, WRINKLES HIS NOSE AS IF HE HAS CAUGHT A WHIFF OF SOMETHING A TAD FOUL

BEN LOOKS AROUND SUSPICIOUSLY

So, Little Joseph, did you get those bulls moved to the lower pasture?

HOSS IS STILL SHIFTING IN HIS SEAT AND OCCASIONALLY CUTTING HIS EYES AT BEN AND HIS BROTHERS

That's Little Joe, if you please

Little Joe. Very well.

Yeah, Pa. I must have stepped in something out there too. Something's a little gamey.

JOE LEANS BACK AND CHECKS HIS BOOTS

Ah, Pa. What ever did you decide to do about that fence row over on the North side?

A MUFFLED, THUMPING SOUND IS HEARD BY BEN SEEMINGLY FROM UNDER THE TABLE

HE MOVES THE TABLECLOTH ASIDE TO SEE WHAT IT WAS

HOSS IS REMAINING VERY QUIET, YET CONTINUES TO FIDGET

BEN IS PUZZLED

Did you say something, Hop Sing?

Hop Sing say nothing. Hop Sing think goat in room somewhere.

HOP SING HAS OBVIOUSLY CAUGHT THE ODOR OF SOMETHING UNGODLY AND MUSTERS HIS BEST MANNERS TO REMAIN COURTEOUS

Adam, to answer your question, the fences on the North -

Adam? Adam? Adam! What's wrong, son?

ADAM'S EYES ARE WATERING PROFUSELY AND IS TRYING TO SUBSIST ON AS FEW BREATHS AS POSSIBLE UNTIL THE AIR CLEARS. HE IS SEMI-OBLIVIOUS TO HIS FATHER'S RHETORIC

Something stinks!

Well, Hoss, you're awful quiet today.

HOSS SEEMS TO IGNORE HIS FATHER'S STATEMENT

Hoss? HOSS?!

ANOTHER SHORT SEQUENCE OF MUFFLED THUMPING IS HEARD. THIS TIME BY LITTLE JOE

HOSS IS STARTLED TO CONSCIOUSNESS

I didn't do it!

Do what?

Ah, I meant I didn't do the job you told me to do the other day out by the hog pen.

Never mind that, Hoss. Why are you so quiet?

JUST THEN, BEN CATCHES A NOSE-FULL OF THE DEADLY CLOUD OF NATURAL GAS DRIFTING NEAR THE TABLE

Whew! What the ... ?

(Ben glares at Adam)

Hey, don't look at me!

BEN REFOCUSES IN ON LITTLE JOE

Joseph! Are you sick?

Pa, I didn't do it, I swear.

Oh no? It certainly seems to be coming from your direction.

Pa, I swear!

Joseph! Stop lying! This is your flatulence, I know it!

HOSS CAN'T SUBDUE MOTHER NATURE. HE PRODUCES OUT A HORRENDOUSLY LOUD CRACKLING NOISE. ADAM, GET'S UP FROM THE TABLE

Hoss! So it was you! I demand you cease at once!

Hoss, the least you could have done was warn us!

(temporarily relieved)

Hey, Hop Sing, how about some more of these cabbage deals? Chop, chop!