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Saturday January 27, 2024

1PM I LOVE LUCY - Comedy, 30 min.
Lucy and Ethel start a mail-order business selling assorted types of vermin for lab experiments.

I LOVE LUCY

"Have a Lice Day"

 

FADE IN: INT. APT BUILDING STORE-ROOM

LUCY

Ethel, hand me some of those cockroaches. No, not those, the big ones. Yeah, that's them.

ETHEL

Boy are Fred and Ricky going to be surprised when they see how well we are doing in this business we started by using what we already plenty of right here in our own building!

LUCY

Yeah, Fred ought to be grateful that we are helping him clean up this disgusting dump of an apartment building!

ETHEL

Yeah! Hey, wait a second. I think you just insulted Fred and me! Did you?

LUCY

No I didn't honey. I just was talking about Fred.

ETHEL

Oh, well, that's okay then.

LUCY

Hey, Ethel, give me a hand with this sack of rats. I can't seem to get this knot tied tight enough.

ETHEL

Wait a second, Lucy. I've got my hands full with these fleas and lice.

LUCY

Ethel, hurry! Some of these nasty varmints are escaping! Quick!

ETHEL

I can't Lucy, I can't. If I help you, all these fleas and lice will get out. You know how long it took us to catch them the first time!

LUCY

Shoot! Now look what you've done! Half these rats have gotten lose!

ETHEL

Well, try to catch them!

LUCY

With what? My hands?

ETHEL

Whatever! Just get them back before they go too far. Lucy, we're going to lose money on this shipment, I'm afraid.

LUCY

No we won't, Ethel. I made sure of it.

ETHEL

How? If we don't send the bugs and rodents, how in the world are we going to get paid?

LUCY

You ever heard of insurance?

ETHEL

Insurance? How's that going to help us?

LUCY

Ethel, are you that dense? We package up whatever vermin we have, buy a lot of insurance on the package, then, when it gets to the lab and they try to hit us with the refund for shorting them, we pass the cost on to the insurance company. Pretty slick, huh?

ETHEL

I don't get it, Lucy? How are we going to convince the insurance company that we actually shipped a full order and that most of the creatures got away in transit?

LUCY

Hey, I thought of the hard part. You figure out how to deal with the insurance company. Hand me a few pouches of snails, will you?

 

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The material published herein is intended to be satire, parody and/or just preposterously ridiculous. The resemblance between any fictitious and real person, place or thing without satirical intent is purely coincidental.