FRED KNOCKS AT THE RICARDO'S APARTMENT DOOR.

Hey! Lucy! Ricky! You there?

LUCY OPENS THE DOOR.

Hi Fred. Come on in.

Lucy, I'd rather not. I just came up to tell you two that starting now, the rent you pay for this comfy little apartment will triple.

(Lucy begins to laugh loudly.)

FRED JUST STARES WITHOUT SMILING.

LUCY'S LAUGHTER SUBSIDES, SEEING FRED WITH HIS SERIOUS EXPRESSION.

What?

You heard me. Your rent's doubling, I mean tripling.

Whaaaat?! What are you talking about?

What's wrong Lucy, you deaf?

LUCY TURNS AND CALLS TO RICKY.

Ricky! Ricky! Come here quick!

RICKY COMES OUT OF THE KITCHEN.

Oh, hi Fred.

Ah, Ricky, I wouldn't be so friendly with old Fred here. He's come up to raise our rent. Tripling it!

RICKY LAUGHS CONVULSIVELY.

Ricky! Ricky! Stop! Fred's serious! Stop laughing!

RICKY SENSES THE SERIOUSNESS AND STOPS LAUGHING.

Huh?

Your rent's tripling. That's all.

Our rent's not tripling!

Oh yes it is. Anybody with a big record contract like you just got can afford to pay a lot more rent. Triple!

RICKY RANTS IN SPANISH FOR A GOOD 9 MINUTES, CAUSING A LARGE DEGREE OF FAKE AUDIENCE RESTLESSNESS.

Ricky! Are you going to stand for this?

RICKY AGAIN RANTS IN SPANISH FOR ANOTHER 5 MINUTES.

FRED HAS NODDED OFF AND FALLS DOWN, STRIKING HIS HEAD ON THE RICARDO'S DOOR KNOB, ABRUPTLY WAKING HIM UP.

Ouch! Low blow! Foul! Hitting an old man while he isn't looking. I'll sue you for this! You'll wish you only had to pay triple rent!

Now look what you've done! You are being sued. I'll bet that I won't see a dime of of that record money! That mink coat! I'll never have it now!

RICKY SEES THE OPPORTUNITY TO TEASE HIS WIFE.

Hmmm. Maybe I should defend myself in court. What do you think, honey?

Hey, Lucy. I'm ticked at old Fred. Do you have any idea how much a new roof on this building would cost?

Not really. And, do I care?

Well I'll tell you anyway. Plenty! Fred is driving me nuts on this roof thing.

Ah, Ethel, would a new roof mean even higher rent by any chance?

Now, Lucy! What do you think? Of course it would!

Like how much more?

About double what it is now. Something like that.

DOUBLE?! On top of TRIPLE!! I say, forget the roof!

So do I, but Fred has it in his head that he will get a new one put on.

But why? Is the one we have leaking?

Like a sieve! The renters on the tenth floor had to go to a plastic wardrobe.

So! Mine's plastic too. So what?

Lucy! Get real!

Huh?

Never mind. I've got to go. Bye.

Hold it Ethel! Get back here! Let's get this roof thing settled. Now, we both agree that the old roof is just fine, right?

Right.

Okay. Now, we've just got to think of a reason that Fred will buy for not fixing the roof.

Lucy? That was neither an interesting or funny line. I don't get it.

RICKY STORMS DOWN TO THE MERTZ'S APARTMENT WITH HIS CURRENT LEASE IN HAND.

Fred! Ethel! I know you're in there! Open up!

RICKY BANGING ON THE DOOR.

Fred! Ethel! Open this door!

RICKY SUDDENLY CHANGES HIS APPROACH.

Ah, Fred. Fred come out, I've got tickets to the fights on Friday. Would you like to go with me?

FRED TENTATIVELY OPENS THE DOOR.

Ricky, you're not mad are you?

Why, of course not. What makes you think I was mad?

FRED OPENS THE DOOR WIDE. RICKY LUNGES FOR HIM, MISSES AND BANG HIS HEAD ON THE DOOR JAMB.

FRED HUSTLES BACK INSIDE, CRUNCHING RICKY'S FINGERS IN THE DOOR. RICKY, MAINTAINING HIS COOL, REPEATS HIS SURREPTITIOUS OFFER.

Ah, Fred. Fred come out, I've still got tickets to the fights on Friday. Would you like to go with me or not? I need to know.

FRED, FROM BEHIND THE DOOR.

Just slide my ticket under the door. Thanks. Bye.