This is the city, Los Angeles, California.

Officer Bill Gannon and I were working the daywatch out of robbery division when we got the case of the missing jewels. You see, there are good people and there are bad people in this city. The good ones go about their business and not many others notice. Not even the bad ones. The bad ones try to do all kind of bad things to the good ones. That's where I come in. I'm a cop. A good cop!

Joe, that wasn't all that smooth. You ought to stick to the script more during the intro. It really would be better.

Maybe.

(beat)

My partner, Bill Gannon, and I had just finished a tuna on rye and wiped our mouthes when we got a call from the Captain.

(Joe on the phone)

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Yes

Nooooo!

What is he saying? What is he saying?

(covering the phone mouthpiece)

Bill, now don't you think I'll tell you when I finish?!

(goes back to the phone call)

Yes.

Yes. Yes

Yes.

Yes.

Ok. Bye.

(hangs up phone)

Well?

The Captain wants us to get him a tuna on whole wheat next time!

BOTH MEN ARE SHOWN SHAKING THEIR HEADS "YES". SECONDS LATER THEY BOTH STAND UP AND WALK OVER TO THE DAYWATCH "IN" BASKET AND PULL THE CASE ON THE TOP OF THE STACK.

TO HIMSELF, FRIDAY READS ABOUT THE CASE.

Well, what does it say?

Something about a pimp. I don't quite understand this.

Why don't we try again?

BOTH MEN ARE SHOWN SHAKING THEIR HEADS "YES".

FRIDAY PUTS THE CASE DESCRIPTION AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PILE AND DRAWS OUT ANOTHER ONE.

(reading aloud)

This one's for a stolen diamond-encrusted jock strap. Says here, an anonymous sports legend owned it.

I wonder which sports legend would that be?

Doesn't say.

This one OK with you, Bill?

I guess.

You know, I was just thinking about that sandwich we just finished eating. If we had gotten the chicken salad on white bread I'll bet we could have saved a nickel or two. What do you think, Joe?

(Friday is shown shaking his head in disbelief.)

Let's go.

FRIDAY AND GANNON ARE SEEN DRIVING IN THE LOS ANGELES TRAFFIC. THEY ARRIVE SOON AT A HOUSE IN BEVERLY HILLS AND STOP AND GET OUT.

This it?

Now, Bill, why do you think I would have stopped the car unless it was our destination?

My, aren't we testy today?!

(beat)

Come on, what's eating you, Joe? Is it your mother again?

I'll be ok. It's just ... Just ...

Just what?

It's just that, well, she's old, as you know. And she is being forced into retirement.

For goodness sake, Joe, the lady's 98 years old! Don't you think she's earned a nice retirement?

Perhaps. But that's not the real issue.

Then what is the real issue?

Don't you see, if she retires, who is yours truly going to tap when I need some spending money for my annual gambling-binge vacation to 'Vegas? Surely you realize that that type of vacation would be pure folly if it had to be supported on a policeman's wage!

Oh, I don't know. There are bus trips that would be reasonably-priced, I would think. Ever considered the bus, Joe?

Not even in my bad dreams. I'm strictly a taxi man. You know that.

I guess so.

FRIDAY RINGS THE DOORBELL. BOTH MEN WAIT MINUTES.

FRIDAY AND GANNON ARE FINALLY GREETED BY A BUTLER.

(spying and pointing to the police car in the driveway)

I'm sorry, gentlemen, I'm going to have to ask you to please move this eyesore of a car from in front of this home. Madam has fallen sick just having to look at this heap. Now, please move along.

FRIDAY AND GANNON ARE SHOWN SHAKING THEIR HEADS IN DISBELIEF.

Is this the residence of the famous athelete who has had an, shall we say, undergarment stolen?

Yes it is, sir.

Is the famous athelete who owned said undergarment inside?

Sir, I cannot reveal his whereabouts. Strict orders.

FRIDAY AND GANNON FLASH THEIR BADGES TO THE BUTLER.

Police officers.

I didn't do it! I swear, I didn't do it!

Sir, calm down. We just want to talk to you for a second.

My word! Is he in some kind of trouble?

We are not a liberty to say. We just need to know whether you know if he owns or once owned a jock strap with gems stones adorning it's exterior.

You know about this?

Know about it? We have been charged with finding it!

(beat)

Now, is he at home?

No, he left some time ago. But I can tell you for certain that the article of clothing you are seeking has definitely not been stolen. I have it inside right now.

I'm afraid I don't understand. Wasn't it reported being stolen?

We once reported it missing but not stolen. But it turned up a couple of days later in the laundry basket.

Sir, I'm afraid we are going to have to put you under arrest for filing a false report.

I beg your pardon!

I said, I'm afraid we are going to have to put you under arrest for filing a false report.

Sir, I heard you the first time!

FRIDAY REACHES AROUND TO GRAB HIS CUFFS.

(to butler)

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

Very good, Bill.

Thanks. I practiced.

THE BUTLER IS LOOKING LIKE HE DOESN'T QUITE UNDERSTAND THE BANTER BETWEEN THE TWO POLICE OFFICERS.

You did fine. Now, get the hatchet.

(Friday is looking at the butler)

THE BUTLER SQUIRMS TO GET A VIEW WHAT THEY ARE UP TO.

(leans over to the butler)

Gotcha!

GANNON AND FRIDAY LAUGH HEARTILY

I demand I be released! Immediately!

Oh, quiet down. We'll let you go.

FRIDAY REACHES TO UNLOCK THE CUFFS.

Sorry mister. We just got carried away. A little police humor, that's all. Relieves the stress, you know. Now, let's not let this little incident go beyond the three of us here. Shall we?

BOTH OF THE POLICE OFFICERS CONTINUE TO LAUGH AS THEY PULL AWAY IN THEIR CAR.

THEY ARRIVE BACK AT THE HEADQUARTERS AND GO TO THEIR DESKS TO FILE THE PROPER REPORTS.

THEY RUN INTO THE CAPTAIN.

Hello, Captain.

Friday. Gannon. Did you two clowns just return from that stolen jock case after having falsely arrested a butler?

Well, sir, I think I can explain. We -

You're both fired! Pack up and get out!

But Captain, I ...

Out!

Yes sir.

(Joe turns to Gannon)

Bill, it's been real, my man.

(Joe and Bill shake hands)

Now you will excuse me, I have a little butler business to tend to.