Pa, is Aunt Bee a slob?

Well, Opie. It's possible. We'll just have to wait and see.

What do you mean, Pa?

Well, you see Opie, Aunt Bee used to be a good housekeeper. Neat. Efficient. Fast. But then she got what us grown ups call an attitude.

What's an attitude, Pa? Is it bad?

Not necessarily. But in Aunt Bee's case, yes, it is bad. And that's why we're just going to have to get rid of her. Aunt Bee's kind worn out. That's all.

OPIE STARTS TO CRY AND THEN RUNS OFF TO HIS ROOM.

Opie! Opie, come back. It'll be ok. We'll get us another maid. Really. Maybe even one that actually can do good work!

PHONE RINGS. ANDY GOES TO ANSWER IT.

Hello? Oh hi, Barn. Yeah. Yeah. But Barney, I - . Yeah. Okay. Bye.

ANDY DIALS ANOTHER NUMBER.

Hello? Is this the Mt. Pilot Maid Service? Fine. Listen, I was wondering if you have any good, young maids available these days. Oh, you do? Yes. You have any good looking ones? Good. Send one of them over for an interview.

LATER THERE'S A KNOCK AT THE FRONT DOOR.

Who's that, Andy?

Now, Aunt Bee, how should I know?

ANDY WALKS OVER AND OPENS THE DOOR.

Hello. I'm from the Maid Service. I've come to try out.

ANDY IS SCANNING THIS GODDESS OF A POTENTIAL MAID. HE CAN'T BELIEVE HIS EYES. A WIDE GRIN DEVELOPS ON HIS FACE. HE LOOKS AROUND TO SEE IF AUNT BEE IS WATCHING.

Hi. Listen, can you kind of keep it down? My worn out Aunt is in here and she might hear you. She's the one we're replacing.

Oh, sure. Well, do I get the job?

Well, unless you would refuse to cook a meal every now and then, yes, you have the job.

Oh wonderful. Would you mind signing this long-term agreement?

No. Certainly I'll sign it.

(Andy signs without even reading.)

Now, where will I stay?

Stay? Well, let's see. Ah, I guess you could stay in Aunt Bee's room. She won't be needing it.

Ok. I'll be back tomorrow to move in and begin my work. I thought the agency said you had a young son.

I do. He's miffed at me now though and up in his room crying. He's sad about having to let Aunt Bee go.

Oh. Would you like me to go talk to him?

Well, ok. That'd be nice.

(loud voice)

Opie? There's somebody coming up to talk to you about this,

(Andy sees Aunt Bee)

ah ... , M.A.I.D. thing.

What's this? What M.A.I.D. thing?

Ah, never you mind, Aunt Bee. Why don't you run along and visit Clara or something?

Hey, I've got a better idea. Why don't I run along to my lawyer! Maybe he would enjoy seeing this little agreement you signed about 15 years ago.

AUNT BEE REACHES DOWN INTO HER BOSOM AND PULLS OUT A FOLDED PIECE OF PAPER AND HOLDS IT UP TO SHOW ANDY.

You think a little agreement like this, with built in punitive clauses up the wazoo, would interest a hungry lawyer.

ANDY SWALLOWS HARD.

Aunt Bee, whatever are you talking about?

AUNT BEE JUST STARES AT HIM.

ANDY STARES BACK WITH A SICK EXPRESSION, KNOWING HE'S BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE.

(trying to change the mood)

How's about lunch?