KIRK MAKES AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO THE ENTIRE CREW

Now hear this. This is your captain. The Enterprise will orbit Beta 19 until I get good and ready for us to leave. That is all.

Good show, Captain! That certainly ought to have made the crew realize that you are not spineless, as they have speculated, and that you actually can make an executive decision.

(glaring at Spock)

Thank you Mr. Spock. Now go pack your bags. You and I are going to get some R and R. May as well make the best of this.

But Captain, I have a lot of work to do. I feel I must stay and accomplish much needed work on the computer systems.

Mr. Spock. Have you ever seen the women of Beta 19? I mean seen them up close?

I cannot say that I have, Captain. However -

Meet me in the transporter room in 5 minutes. We're taking a trip.

KIRK SUMMONS MR. SCOTT ON THE INTERCOM

Mr. Scott. Prepare the transporter. Mr. Spock and I will be beaming down to the Black Cat Club, surface coordinates 763.5, 2334.1, I believe. That is all.

Aye, Captain. And a good choice you've made.

(glancing boastingly at his crew on the bridge)

That's enough Mr. Scott.

Lt. Uhura. See that the required repairs are done on the Enterprise while we're away. A good job will be worth a bonus next month. Maybe.

But Captain Kirk. I have no experience dealing with repair men. And I don't do windows either, in case you wondered.

(annoyed)

Pipe down immediately Lt.

Anyway, don't worry about it. Nothing will go wrong. Those guys fix these type things all the time. Oh, by the way, you might want to tip them up front to assure success. I'll pay you back.

But, but, -

Lt. Uhura! I said nothing will go wrong. Now carry on.

Yes sir.

KIRK AND SPOCK ARRIVE IN THE TRANSPORTER ROOM AT THE SAME TIME

Scotty, ready to beam us down?

(antsy)

Well, not exactly. I cannot confirm that I have the coordinates of the Black Cat Club entered properly; the computer seems to be experiencing the effects of X-band cosmic rays today. I don't know. I don't think I'd try it if I were you.

Well, Mr. Scott, that's why I get the big bucks. I've decided to chance it.

Perhaps I should stay and repair it, Captain.

Nonsense! Spock, get over here.

SPOCK DUTIFULLY TAKES HIS PLACE ON THE TRANSPORTER PAD.

Hit it, Scotty!

MR. SCOTT, AGAINST HIS BETTER JUDGEMENT, ACTIVATES THE TRANSPORTER, BEAMING THEM TO WHAT HE HOPES IS THEIR DESIRED DESTINATION

KIRK AND SPOCK MATERIALIZE ON THE SURFACE, BUT AT AN UNKNOWN LOCATION

Captain, it appears that we have not been transported to the desired location.

Really?! Hey, this looks like some kind of 20th-century earth feedlot. What are those creatures over there?

I believe that they are bloores, Captain. And they do not look too happy.

Spock, how about tagging that brown one on the left flank with your phaser. Let's see how tough he is.

Captain, excuse me, but I have calculated that the provocation of those beasts would be an unwise decision.

Ok, Spock. You Vulcan wuss! I'll do it myself!

KIRK FIRES HIS WEAPON AT THE CREATURE. THE CREATURE TURNS AND CHARGES KIRK

KIRK AND SPOCK DUCK BEHIND A ROCK

See! I told you! But, noooo, you had to try it!

Spock, that sounds a little insolent! Now, you apologize!

SPOCK LOOKS LIKE HE FEELS AS IF HE HAS JUST BEEN TRANSPORTED TO HIS OWN CHILDHOOD

Sorry, Captain.

Thank you.

Now who's the Captain?

You are.

Right you are.

Now, what would you suggest we do now?

I have surmised that we are about 100 earth miles from the Black Cat Club. It would be foolish for us to try to walk that far. I suggest we get back to the Enterprise and try again to reach our intended destination.

KIRK CALLS SCOTTY

Mr. Scott? Beam us up pronto.

I'd love to do it Captain, but the system is down. I accidentally poked a screwdriver through the Osmoid-Projection membrane a little while ago. It'll be at least a week before I can repair it.

A week? No way! Now you listen to me, Mr. Scott. You get that thing you just mentioned fixed now! You've got 10 minutes!

(rattled)

Mr. Scott? Mr. Scott? Come in, Mr. Scott.

I believe our communication capability has been minimized, Captain.

Spock? Don't you think I know that?! What are we going to do now?

If I am not mistaken, you are the one who gets the big bucks to make these executive decisions.

So I am.