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Saturday February 17, 2024

3:30 FAMILY FEUD - Game, 30 min.
Richard Dawson hosts this popular game show today featuring the Smiths and the Buggs.

FAMILY FEUD

Composure, or Lack Thereof

 

WILD AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

DAWSON

Welcome everyone to another edition of the Family Feud. Let's get right to business. Let's meet today's families, the Smiths and the Buggs.

DAWSON LOOKS LIKE HE CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT HE HAS JUST SAID.

DAWSON

Did I say Buggs?! Oh, well, I guess so. Here we go.

WILD AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

RICHARD WALKS OVER TO THE SMITHS.

DAWSON

Let's meet the Smith family!

MORE WILD AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

DAWSON HOLDS THE MIKE AT EACH FAMILY MEMBER'S FACE TO GET THEIR NAMES.

SMITH #1

Randy.

SMITH #2

Bob.

SMITH #3

Ahab.

SMITH #4

Roscoe.

SMITH #5

Ahab.

DAWSON

Hold it. Two family members named Ahab?

SMITH #5

That's right, Mr. Dawson. Do you have a problem with that?

DAWSON

Don't guess so!

DAWSON FLASHES AN EXPRESSION OF DISBELIEF AT THE AUDIENCE.

DAWSON

Ok, the Smiths, ladies and gentlemen!

WILD AUDIENCE APPLAUSE. THE SMITHS JUMP ABOUT IN EAGER ANTICIPATION.

DAWSON RUNS OVER TO THE OTHER FAMILY, THE BUGGS.

DAWSON

Let's meet the Bugg family.

I have to ask you. Where in the world did the surname Bugg come from?

BUGG #1

It's French, Mr. Dawson.

DAWSON

Ok. French, ladies and gentlemen!

WILD AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

DAWSON

Let's meet the Bugg family!

MORE WILD AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

DAWSON HOLDS THE MIKE AT EACH FAMILY MEMBER'S FACE TO GET THEIR NAMES.

BUGG #1

Waverly.

BUGG #2

Wanda.

BUGG #3

Stu.

BUGG #4

Chip.

BUGG #5

Steve.

DAWSON

Ok, the Buggs, ladies and gentlemen!

WILD AUDIENCE APPLAUSE. THE BUGGS JUMP ABOUT IN EAGER ANTICIPATION.

DAWSON RUNS OVER TO THE EMCEE PODIUM.

DAWSON

We'll be right back to play the Feud!

WILD AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

DIRECTOR

And, we're off.

DAWSON WALKS OVER TO THE DIRECTOR.

DAWSON

Hey Rich, I don't know if I'm going to be able to keep my composure with these Buggs and those two Ahabs on the show. I mean, this is too much! Even for me!

THE PRODUCER HAS WANDERED UP AND OVERHEARS THIS CONVERSATION.

PRODUCER

Let's put it this way, Dawson. You'll either perform like you're supposed to or you'll be canned so quickly you'll think you've been hit by a ton of black balls. Get it? Blackballs?

DAWSON HAS A PUZZLED LOOK ON HIS FACE.

DIRECTOR

Ok, here we go. And, we're on in 5, 4, 3 ...

WILD AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

DAWSON

Welcome back, let's play the Feud with the Smiths and the ...

(chuckles a little)

... Buggs!

THE PRODUCER AND DIRECTOR LOOK AT EACH OTHER.

DAWSON IS SMILING AND TRYING TO MAINTAIN CONTROL AS THE FIRST TWO FAMILY MEMBERS WALK TO THE PEDESTAL.

DAWSON

This question was put to 100 audience members. Here it is. Name a popular insect repellent.

DAWSON IS MAKING THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THE INCREDIBLY ILL-TIMED CATEGORY OF QUESTION AND THE BUGG SURNAME AND BEGINS TO LOSE CONTROL.

THE BUGG FAMILY MEMBER BEATS THE SMITH FAMILY MEMBER TO THE BUZZER.

DAWSON

What's your answer Mr. Bugg?

(chuckling more noticeably)

BUGG #1

Raid?

DAWSON LOSES HIS COMPOSURE ALMOST ENTIRELY.

THE DIRECTOR SIGNALS TO GO TO COMMERCIAL.

DAWSON
(laughing uncontrollably)

What's this, another commercial?

We'll be right back to play

(laughing)

more of

(laughing)

the Feud!

DIRECTOR

And, we're off.

THE DIRECTOR RUNS OVER TO THE BOOTH AND SPEAKS TO SOME TECHNICIANS.

DIRECTOR

Ok people. We're going to run a couple of Popeye cartoons for the next 25 minutes. Ah, Mr. Dawson, we'd like to see you for a moment.

DAWSON AND THE DIRECTOR AND THE PRODUCER HUDDLE.

DIRECTOR

Pack up your stuff from your dressing room. I want you out of here in 10 minutes.

THE DIRECTOR SIGNALS FOR HIS ASSISTANT WHO COMES RUNNING OVER.

DIRECTOR

Ah, Manny, go call up Wink Martindale. See if he's available. Then try Monty Hall. I think he's looking.

 

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