Hello and welcome to Car Talk with us Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers. This week we're coming to you from the Upstate Women's Prison in, where else, upstate New York.

(laughter)

Is it time yet for me to rudely break in to your intro to rant and rave about the mail we have received?

Bingo! Go.

(laughter)

Are we testy today?

Come on, man. Rant!

(laughter)

Well I got this one letter here that has to rank even above a 10 on the Andy scale of letters.

I thought that that was, by definition, impossible.

No, it's possible. Haven't you ever heard the shuttle chatter when they say that they are going to 103% of thrust? I mean, how are they doing that?

I don't know. You've got me there. Ok, let's hear this great letter you've got.

Before I go on though I just want to thank Dr. Ruth for her acting job last week when we feigned a spontaneous phone call to her at the reception of a call to us asking for marital advice.

Yes. Thanks, Dr. Ruth. It's not every day that we get a sex therapist, or whatever is it you call your profession, on our show. There.

That didn't sound too heartfelt to me.

(laughter)

Come on, read the letter.

What about the puzzler? Are you going to let me know when I can start to try to remember last week's puzzler?

Don't worry, I'll let you know.

(laughter)

Good. Ok, I'll read the letter. Here goes. Ready?

Yes.

Ok, here it is. Eh hem. Excuse me. Ok. The letter. Here it is.

(laughter)

COME ON! READ THE LETTER!

"Dear Tom and Ray. I have a problem not with my car but with with my boyfriend. He's a great guy but lately I'm beginning to wonder if he comes over to see me or my car. By now you must be wondering what kind of car I drive. Well, are you ready?"

Yes.

I think that was just rhetorical.

(laughter)

Oh.

(laughter)

"It's a black 1966 Rambler Classic. VIN number Y6765R334726009. Six cylinder. Nice."

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

I think so. What are you thinking?

I'm thinking that this car is the so called sleek black beauty you were supposed to have crushed 18 years ago.

Wait a minute. What's going on here? I bet Bugsy's pulling our legs.

(to the producer)

Bugsy, this from you?

No, Ray. I swear.

(to everyone else in the control room)

Any of you responsible for this?

So, if nobody here wrote it, we have obviously stumbled into some sort of other dimension.

A first for Car Talk!

(laughter)

At least the first we know about!

(more laughter)

Well, why don't we just stop reading this letter and welcome our first guest? And, by the way, I really don't think that letter should be considered comparable to the infamous Andy letter. Can we agree on that?

For the purposes of time, I agree.

(more laughter)

Our first guest is someone you all have heard of. Let's welcome the father of the modern dragster -

As opposed to the father of the ancient dragster!

(laughter)

- Mr. "Big Daddy" Don Garlits. Big Daddy!

MR. GARLITS COMES OUT TO THE MEET THE BOYS.

Welcome Big Daddy. May I call you "Big Daddy"?

Sure.

(shaking Garlits' hand)

Hi Daddy, I'm Tom.

Now Daddy is a little too familiar. Let's go back to Big Daddy. Ok?

(somewhat insulted)

Fine.

For those in our audience who may not be very familiar with Big Daddy we have a film clip here. Hit it Bugsy.

WHAT APPEARS TO BE AN OLD 8-MM HOME MOVIE BEGINS SHOWING SOME DRAG STRIP FOOTAGE WITH NO RECOGNIZABLE INDIVIDUALS.

Now tell us, Daddy, what are we looking at here?

Like I said, Daddy is a little too familiar. Let's stick to Big Daddy.

(now he's somewhat insulted)

Whatever.

(narrates)

What we're looking at here is the first sanctioned drag race in history. Won by me, of course.

Here we see me in my Garlits Special about to leave the ground. There! Did you see it?

See what?

Stop the film. Rewind it a little. You missed the best part.

I'm sorry. We don't have time to go back and forth here. Let's just continue.

Shoot! While you were talking you missed the only other worthwhile scenes. You may as well stop the film now. Go ahead, cut it off.

Whatever you say.

(to the producer)

Ok, Bugsy, cut it off!

Big Daddy, are you mad at us?

I'm not mad but I get the feeling that you two clowns don't really respect me or my sport.

Well, actually, Big Daddy, we don't. To call what you do a sport is akin to calling getting the proverbial haircut a sport.

(laughter)

Yes. Well said, brother.

GARLITS GETS UP TO LEAVE.

Hey, what're you doing?

I don't need this!

Let him go. Who cares!

Shall we take our first call?

Lets.

(laughter)

Hey, wait! What about the puzzler? We plum forgot about the puzzler. I'll bet you wouldn't believe it if I told you I remembered last week's puzzler.

You're right. I wouldn't.

You're right. I don't.

(laughter)

Tommy, guess what?

What?

The viewers have wasted another hour with us Click and Clack, the Tappet brothers.

What? That was the fastest 60 minutes I've ever experienced. Are you sure that was an hour already?

(ignoring his brother)

Our producer is John Bugsy Sebastian Cabot Sweet Cheeks Make That 14 Cheeseburgers Donut Breath Fleet Enima the Subway Fugitive Lawler.

Hey, is there any way we could shorten that guy's name?

Eliminate the only sure fire humor we have each week? I doubt it.

Yeah. Sorry, Tom.