On today's show we have a man who claims to have encountered alien beings. Here's the news story we saw:

LAS ALTOS, NV - Several town residents made reports yesterday about seeing what they each described as "cigar-shaped flying objects" in the previous night's sky. Following numerous fly-bys of the objects, Vegas Miller, a 68 year-old witness, said, "One of the spacecraft lit in a tree and opened a door whereupon a squirrel-like creature emerged". Mr. Miller vehemently insisted the creature then confronted him, read his mind and then seemed to "dart about in delight".

Please welcome Mr. Vegas Miller.

Oh, wow! Nice Studio! I'm into space in a big way. I love it. I make my living talking about it. Me and my friends.

Well, that is kind of the reason for your visit here now. We read with interest the story about you and others supposedly seeing some spacecraft the other night. What exactly happened?

Well, we were all out just to see what type of outter-space type phenomena we could witness that night - we usually see something each night.

Each night?

That's what I said. Each night.

I mean, most people don't see anything in their whole life, and you say that you people see things each night! Kind of unbelievable, wouldn't you say?

No. Not to me. We just know how to look for these things. We know where to look.

OK, OK, that may be, but I am interested in the thing that happened the other night. Did the squirrel come out of the tree where its craft supposedly landed? What kind of spaceship can land in a tree, anyway?

A little spaceship, OK? And it wasn't a squirrel. I believe I said something like, it was about the size of a squirrel.

You said it was squirrel-like.

OK. Squirrel-like.

Did that mean it had a tail and could climb a tree with agility?

No, it meant that they were hunting for pecans on their way down!

No need for sarchasm. So help us we'll end this and show cartoons for the rest of the time!

Go ahead. I didn't need all of this anyway. I got other things to do.

Well, maybe we'll just continue.

(beat)

So the squirrel-like creature came out of the tree. Then what?

Well, it was kind of dark, but we all thought the being come down and, for whatever reason, approached me.

Were you a-, a- afraid?

Cut the patronizing tone or I'll end this. I swear!

OK. But weren't you at least a little afraid?

Of course I was. Wouldn't you be?

Huh?

Wouldn't you be?

Be what?

Afraid!

Of the squirrel, I mean, squirrel-like creature?

Hey, I'm warning you.

OK, ah, yes! I would have been afraid. Would have.

You bet your toches you would have been afraid. But, you know what? I was not afraid- at all. I sensed the creature had come in peace.

I see.

Yeah, and before I really had much time to react I felt a wierd sensation in my brain. It was like a headache without the pain.

Never had one of those!

No, I bet you haven't! Wise guy! That's it. Interview over.

But we didn't get to the part where the squirrel read your mind. I bet that was kind of, like, strange?

I said interview over, you zero. What the squirrel found out is something you will never know.

Ah ha! You said it was a squirrel!

Crap!