On today's show we have a woman who is selling a pre-paid funeral service. Here's the ad we saw:

Pre-paid Funeral - a Mercedes for the price of a Pinto. I bought the best and now I've changed my mind. I've flipped over to wanting to go back to the dust from which I was made. So, my loss can be your gain. The Ace Funeral Home sold me everything possible for a tremendous send-off, but I'm just not into it no longer. I checked and the whole deal is transferrable. What do you say? I'm 89 so please hurry, or else!

Please welcome Mrs. Donna Trigg.

Let's get right down to business. So, you bought this service for yourself when you thought you'd be buried in a more traditional manner?

Yes. My husband passed away a few years ago. Before he croaked he made me promise to get set for my own death by pre-paying for a nice funeral. We had the dough so I did it. Boy, did I do it! I guess those Ace gentlemen saw my vulnerability cause they pushed the works at me.

Do you have kids, Ms. Trigg?

One dead-beat son.

Uh oh. Did I strike a nerve?

I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

When did you change your mind about the funeral service you bought and why did you change your mind?

Wow, you sure ask a lot of questions, young man.

Ah, yeah. How else are we going to find out things?

Now, what did you say?

I said, when did you change your mind about the funeral service you bought and why did you change your mind?

Didn't you just ask me that?

Come on, Ms. Trigg. Stop yanking my chain. Please answer the questions.

I changed my mind last Thursday. And I changed it because I saw a nice used Buick I wanted to get.

Aren't you a little old to be driving?

You let me worry about that, ok?

So, essentially, you're trading down on your last rites to be able to afford a used car?

I guess so!

You said the funeral service is a top-shelf one. What extras make it so?

For starters, the nice man over at the funeral parlor said that the folks around here would have their jaws dropping when they wheeled my coffin out for the service. Gold inlay on wormy chestnut. 18-ct gold-embossed handles on the sides. The cushions inside are filled with mink hides and goose down. The man said that there ain't nothing softer.

Sounds ostentatious.

Thanks.

Why did you go so all-out?

To tell you the truth, I believe my husband was guiding me that day. You see, he may have felt guilty himself knowing when he died there would be a 20-gun salute at the graveside followed by a personal performance by Hank Quisenberry, the renowned Elvis impersonator.

You mean 21-gun salute?

No, 20. My husband was a little quirky in that he was always wanting something just a little different.

Oh. So you have come to accept that when you are cremated your ashes will be on someone's mantle for the duration?

Who said anything about cremation?

Oh, I just assumed ...

No. I will be burned in my neighbor's barbeque pit, on a weekend, when the local authorities are off and cannot be contacted even if the odor arouses suspicion.

I don't think you can do that. Burn someone in an open-air fire.

I don't see nobody telling the Cherokee's they can't do that very same thing.

Yeah, but the Indians got a special deal. Nobody is going to fight them on carrying out an ancestral tradition.

Aw bull! I know that's a lie!

What?

Oh, sorry. I lapsed into a different part of my life I spent in Tullahoma, TN for a few seconds. What did you say?

I said the Indians can burn someone in a fire when they die. You can't.

Says who? And anyway, my son promised to carry out my wishes if I will him the keys to the Buick I am going to look at as soon as I sell this service.

Is there anything special about the service itself?

Plenty! There shall be two "dueling organs" simultaneously playing the same music in keys a half-step apart. Talk about dissonant! Ought to rattle the congregation's teeth! Yeah, the new owner of this service will be remembered for quite a while!

Have you had any serious inquiries?

I had a couple. A man from the east didn't want to have to be buried beside my husband. I can't say as I blame him.

Oh, the cemetery plot is part of this?

Sure. I don't need that either any more.

What do you plan on doing with your ashes?

Well, I probably won't do anything, being as I will be dead.

I meant what will be done with your ashes?

My son said he could fertilize his garden if the wind didn't blow the ashes away first. I think helping tomatoes grow might be real nice.

I guess it really doesn't matter what they do with your ashes, right?

Who said that?

Oh, you do care?

Naw, I guess not.

I wonder if that Buick is still over at the GM lot. She was boss.

Well, you seem to have the future planned out fairly well. Good luck on the pyre and all of that.

I believe it was a LeSabre. Could have been a Century. Which is the bigger one?

Why didn't you go whole-hog and get a Rolls?

I don't think the funeral, as glitzy as it will be, will fetch that kind of dough. Get real! And that degree of appreciation ... it just ain't happening. Who are you kidding?!

I don't know.

Huh?