THE AUDITIONING ACTORS ARE HANDED ONE OF THE SUPERCUTTER RAZORS AND A CAN OF SHAVING CREAM AND TOLD TO USE THE SINKS AND MIRRORS PROVIDED NEARBY TO PRACTICE THEIR SCENE.

(to guys walking away)

Mr. Jones? Mr. Arthur Jones?

Yes? I'm Arthur Jones.

I thought I said no agents. There's a guy over there claiming to be your agent.

(points to large man in a suit standing to the side)

MR. JONES GLARES AT THE MAN.

I don't even know who that is. I don't have an agent.

Well, you beter go straighten it out. No agents!

JONES WALKS OVER TO THE AGENT.

Who are you? Why are you claiming to be my agent?

Agent?! I told that producer guy that I was an agent and I could represent anyone who didn't have their own agent here with them. My name is Arthur Jones.

What?! That's my name, too! The producer must have misunderstood you to have said you were my agent.

I come here each time they do one of these SuperCutter razor commercial casting calls. It's usually real nasty.

You mean, the producer gets hacked off each time you show up?

No. I mean the razors you guys use are way sharper that the normal SuperCutter ones, so they can look good on TV or something. Those things can cut just about anything. Usually lots of blood.

What?

(dismissing agent)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go over there and start practicing for the audition.

It your face.

JONES LOOKS AT THE AGENT QUIZZICALLY AS HE WALKS OFF.

JONES JOINS THE OTHER MEN WHO HAVE ALREADY BEGUN TO PRACTICE SHAVING. JONES TAKES AN EMPTY SPACE AT THE GANG-SINK.

Hi. You the guy the producer called out?

Yeah. Arthur Jones.

Hi. Guy Drake. What was that all about?

The producer had misundersood what he had said. That's all.

These razors are not that good. They won't cut crap.

That agent guy told me that each time they do this casting call and practice shaving lots of guys cut themselves. He said they make the practice blades much too sharp.

Well, I don't know about that, but I do know that these blades are useless.

THE PRODUCER WANDERS OVER TO THE AREA WHERE THE GUYS ARE PRACTICING SHAVING.

So, guys, how's it going? Does anyone feel ready to give it a shot yet?

Does he mean, do our audition now?

(continues to shave)

Duh! Of course that's what he means.

(Man#1 takes another stoke with his razor)

OOOOWWWWWW! Crap!

What's the matter?

Owwww! Check my ear lobe? Is it still there? Ahhh! I must have gotten to that sharp part of the blade.

BLOOD IS POURING DOWN THE GUY'S FACE INTO THE SINK.

(to Producer)

Hey! Over here! This guy's cut himself bad.

THE PRODUCER COMES OVER TO EXAMINE THE SITUATION.

So I see. Great.

Great?! Is my right ear lobe still there?

Yeah. This always happens. Don't worry. Why don't you take this number and walk over to the man sitting over at that table.

(points to man across the room)

How about me? I was the one who told you about the blood.

Hey. I got eyes. I would have seen that anyway.

Maybe. Maybe someone else would have cut himself first. Then what?

THE PRODUCER JUST LOOKS AT JONES LIKE HE'S A DOPE AND THEN CONTINUES OVER TO THE MAN ACROSS THE ROOM.

OK ... Blood, Henry. Blood! This guy is the lucky one today.

(to Man#1)

Name?

Guy Drake.

Really? Why does that name sound familiar? Hmmmm. Oh! Are you the guy, no pun intended, that did Welfare Cadillac? I loved that tune, ah, rap, or, allegory.

Nope. Not me. I guess that was another Guy Drake.

(trying to check his bleeding)

Can you help me stop this bleeding? It's a river!

You don't want to do that. Mr. Jones, the producer, has selected you to audition first. The intent of this commercial is to show how sharp these SuperCutter razors are.

Who would buy razors that would likely cut them this badly!?

Nobody! That's the point!

Huh?

See, all guys shave. But nobody wants to bleed like this. Yes, the SuperCutter razor can be dangerous and can inflict wounds like yours. But, if you also buy the SuperShield for the SuperCutter razor, you can't get cut at all, and the razor lasts for up to 2 years.. The commercial is for the Shield, not the razor.

Why didn't someone tell us?

And ruin the spontaneity?

And, now that I have practiced and have shaved off all of my whiskers already, how can I shave off more of what I don't have during the actual filming?

Hmm. You've got a point. Too bad you thought of that.

(beat)

NEXT!?