THE PROFESSOR IS PUTTING THE FINISHING TOUCHES ON HIS FINGERNAIL CUTTING OPERATION.

MARY ANN KNOCKS ON HIS DOOR, THEN COMES IN.

Professor, have you seen Gilligan? Nobody can find him today.

Oh, well, have you asked the Skipper? He is usually knowledgeable about Gilligan's whereabouts.

I said nobody. Don't you think that would include the Skipper?

OK! Gosh! I was just being helpful!

Sorry, Professor. I guess I am just fearful that he has disappeared. And, as you well know, if he is kaput, our show might be kaput too.

I think might might be too tame a word here!

(beat)

Well, let's get everyone together and see what we can figure out.

THE PROFESSOR AND MARY ANN HEAD TO THE CENTER OF THE CAMP AND CALL EVERYONE ELSE TO COME.

(yelling)

Skipper, Ginger, Mr. and Mrs. Howell, Skipper! Come here!

THE SKIPPER IS THE FIRST TO ARRIVE.

What's up, Professor?

Skipper, when everyone else gets here, I will tell you.

Yeah, Skipper.

(throwing Mary Ann a "what?" look)

It's just that I was in the middle of a rousing game of solitare and I want to get back to it.

(beat)

Anybody seen Gilligan?

GINGER WALKS UP.

Hey, what's this all about, anyway?

Ginger, when everyone else gets here, I will tell you.

Don't ask any more, Ginger. For some reason, this is a big secret, or something!

(to the Skipper, with attitude)

Really?

THE HOWELLS ARE THE LAST TO ARRIVE.

OK, here is the situation, everyone. Nobody knows where Gilligan is. Period.

(beat)

Any thoughts? Comments?

(to Professor)

I told you, they already knew Gilligan was gone.

(disapproval of Mary Ann's attitude)

I said, any thoughts on Gilligan's whereabouts? He's gotta be somewhere, unless ... unless ...

Well, where is he?

That's what we're trying to figure out, Ginger.

(to Ginger)

Duh!

Skipper, when was it that you saw Gilligan last? I mean in one piece.

Well, the last I saw him - in one piece - was yesterday when he was getting in a canoe with some of the natives and their medicine man guy from that other island.

What other island?!

The one to our west. Didn't anyone tell you about it?

No! And, I don't believe you!

You don't believe me about Gilligan or that there is another close-by island?

I believe that both of those are lies!

(to Professor)

It's true, Professor. I've been there, also. Needed some salt and other seasonings.

What? There really is another close island and they have spices and such?

And electricity and food and knick knacks. Yep. Lots of stuff.

So, Skipper, you know Gilligan is there?

I just saw him get in a boat with them. I really don't know where they were headed. Maybe to get another voodoo lesson.

Voodoo lesson?

(beat)

Hey! I want all of you people to know that this voodoo stuff can get us all in big trouble, what with all the curses, spells and such!

Egad! Sounds like a Havahd type deal!

Mr. Howell, that's enough!

Now listen to me, you people. My little buddy has been, unbeknownst to the rest of you, trying to further his education any way he can. About the only way he can, way out here on this isolated island -

Not as isolated as I had thought!

- isolated island, is to take advantage of what's around here. Now, he found out about a sweet little voodoo course that was being taught -

(looking at the Professor)

- on a nearby - more civilized island, and went for it. I helped him pay his tuition. I'll have you know he is about to complete the course and attain the level of Novice Witch Doctor.

THE REST OF THE ISLANDERS ARE SPEECHLESS.

Now, later today, when Novice Witch Doctor Gilligan arrives back here to resume his life with us, I think we should all congratulate him and show him how proud we are of his accomplishment.

Well ... I guess.

Sure we will! Come on Ginger. Let's get ready to have a party here!

ALL SCATTER TO THEIR RESPECTIVE HUTS TO PREPARE FOR MEETING WITCH DOCTOR GILLIGAN.

I see the canoe! Here comes the new Witch Doctor!

Novice Witch Doctor. Let's remember that.

Now, Skipper. I think we ought to make his reentry into our world as smooth and gradual as we can. He may have experienced a whole lotta that voodoo/witch-doctor nonsense over there and may be worn out.

THE CANOE CREEPS VERY NEAR THE SHORE.

Here he comes!

I am not sure what to say to him, Professor.

Well, how about, "Hi Novice Witch Doctor Gilligan" !

How about just, "Welcome back, Mr. Voodoo doer man!"?

(looking cockeyed at Ginger)

THE CANOE RUNS UP ON THE SAND AND GILLIGAN STEPS OUT.

Hey everybody! What are all of yall doing down here, anyway?

We wanted to see what a Witch Doctor really looked like.

Well, how are you gonna do that? There is no witch doctor here, that I can see.

I thought you were now a Novice Witch Doctor or Voodoo guy or something.

Oh, that. Well, I didn't pass the final exam.

What happened?

In answering question #1, I misspelled the name of the First Generation Voodoo God from whom all current Witch Doctors and Voodoo guys are descended. It was Kwokwokawok. I spelled it, Quakwokawok.

And they failed you for that?

Well, the test only had one question.

(beat)

Oh well, I might try my hand next at becoming a cable TV installer.

And, let me guess, they also teach such on this other island?

(ignoring the Professor)

Hey, I could try to throw out some spells or curses right now, if anyone wants me to. I know a lot of them.

(grinning expectantly at everyone)

THE CROWD, EXCEPT GILLIGAN AND THE PROFESSOR, DISPERSE.

Ah, Gilligan, how about casting a spell on Ginger, or Mary Ann, to make either or both of them need my company tonight? Can that happen?

Sure! $2500 per spell. That's the Novice rate, by the way.

What about just Mrs. Howell?

$500. The curse price.

JUST THEN, A MAN BEARING A STRONG RESEMBLANCE TO WALLY COX ENTERS THE SCENE FROM THE LEFT.

I'm sorry, who might you be?