THE PROFESSOR IS SLEEPING. GILLIGAN AND THE SKIPPER ARE STANDING, STARING, WONDERING WHAT TO DO NEXT.

I don't know, skipper. The Professor has been sleeping for two weeks now. Seems like it's Rip Van Winkle time or he is in a coma or both.

Both? Really, Gilligan?

OK, just a coma.

Well, OK, now. The real question is: What can we do too get him to wake up?

Do we even know he wants to wake up?

Well, Little Buddy, I don't know. But, let's see if we can get any type of response from him by physically stimulating him.

Whaaaaat?!

Tickling him, Gilligan! Sheesh!

THE SKIPPER PICKS UP A TWIG AND RUBS IT OVER THE PROFESSOR'S FOOT.

Shouldn't his shoe be off, Skipper?

Good thinking, Gilligan.

THE SKIPPER UNTIES THE PROFESSOR'S RIGHT SHOE AND REMOVES IT.

What about his sock?

(throwing Gilligan a dirty look)

OK, his sock, too.

THE SKIPPER PULLS OFF THE PROFESSOR'S RIGHT SOCK ALSO.

Whoa! I wonder when he ever washed this foot. Gosh!

(holding his nose)

Stinks!

(beat)

Go ahead, Skipper, tickle it.

THE SKIPPER USES THE SAME TWIG AND RUBS IT OVER THE PROFESSOR'S BARE FOOT.

Nothing! It's like he's in a coma!

Yeah. We know that!

(pointing across the hut)

Trying running that feather over there up his nose.

Good thinking, Gilligan. That type of tickling should wake anyone up.

THE SKIPPER GETS THE FEATHER AND WIGGLES IT UP IN THE PROFESSOR'S NOSTRIL.

Skipper, give it a push all the way up!

You think so? Don't think it might hurt him?

Naaah!

THE SKIPPER PUSHES THE FEATHER UP THE PROFESSOR'S NOSE SO FAR IT CAN'T BE SEEN.

MARY ANN KNOCKS ON THE PROFESSOR'S HUT DOOR.

Professor? Are you in there?

Mary Ann, he is in here, but he is unconscious.

MARY ANN COMES IN AND WALKS OVER THE WHERE THE SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN ARE.

What's with the Professor?

Coma, we think.

(horrified)

What the ...? How did that happen? When?

Well, we didn't do nothing! We just found him this way. Honest.

(gives the Skipper the "huh? expression)

I believe you, guys.

Shouldn't we try to wake him up?

Already did that.

(beat)

See that feather up his nose?

MARY ANN LEANS OVER AND REACHES OUT TO TOUCH THE END OF THE FEATHER QUILL.

Which one of you morons pushed that feather way up his nose?

BOTH THE SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN POINT AT EACH OTHER.

Well, we were just trying to get him to know he was being tickled and wake up.

Didn't work, did it?

The Professor told me a while back that that side of his head is numb. He wouldn't have felt a cattle prod up there.

Try the other side.

THE SKIPPER PULLS THE FEATHER OUT OF THE PROFESSOR'S NOSTRIL AND PUSHES IT FAR UP IN HIS OTHER ONE.

IMMEDIATELY, THE PROFESSOR JUMPS UP AND STARTS SNEEZING AND JUMPING ABOUT AND SCREAMING.

You were right, Mary Ann.

(Addressing the now-conscious Professor)

Gee, Professor, we are glad we could wake you up. We thought you were a goner!

(holding his bleeding nose)

Haven't you ever seen anyone sleeping off a berry-poisoning before? Are you people stupid, or something?! Who was the instigator here?

BOTH THE SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN POINT AT EACH OTHER.

JUST THEN, A MAN BEARING A STRONG RESEMBLANCE TO WALLY COX ENTERS THE SCENE FROM THE LEFT.

(nose still bleeding)

I'm sorry, who might you be?