This is the city, Los Angeles, California.

Officer Bill Gannon and I were working the daywatch out of the bunko division when we got the case of the missing dignitary. You see, there are good people and there are bad people in this city. The good ones go about their business and not many others notice. Not even the bad ones. The bad ones try to do all kind of bad things to the good ones. That's where I come in. I'm a cop. A good cop!

Joe, that still wasn't all that smooth.

You wanna do it next time?

CONSPICUOUS SILENCE.

I didn't think so!

My partner, Bill Gannon, and I had just finished an egg salad on wheat and wiped our mouthes when we got a call from the Captain.

(Joe on the phone)

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Yes

Nooooo!

(expectantly agitated)

What is he saying? What is he saying?

(covering the phone mouthpiece)

Bill, now don't you think I'll tell you when I finish?!

(goes back to the phone call)

Yes.

Yes. Yes

Yes.

Yes.

Ok. Bye. What? Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Ok. Bye.

(hangs up phone)

Well?

The Captain wants us to get him a tuna on sourdough next time!

BOTH MEN ARE SHOWN SHAKING THEIR HEADS "YES". SECONDS LATER THEY BOTH STAND UP AND WALK OVER TO THE DAYWATCH "IN" BASKET AND PULL THE CASE ON THE TOP OF THE STACK.

TO HIMSELF, FRIDAY READS ABOUT THE CASE.

Well, what does it say?

Something about a lady losing her purse in a sewer grate. I don't think I like this one. How is this bunko anyway?

Why don't we try again?

BOTH MEN ARE SHOWN SHAKING THEIR HEADS "YES".

FRIDAY PUTS THE CASE DESCRIPTION AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PILE AND DRAWS OUT ANOTHER ONE.

(reading aloud)

This one concerns a foreign guy about to leap off a tall building.

Really?

That's what it says!

This one OK with you, Bill?

I guess.

You know, I was just thinking about that sandwich we just finished eating. If we had gotten the chicken salad on white bread I'll bet we could have saved a nickel or two. What do you think, Joe?

(Friday is shown shaking his head in disbelief.)

Let's go.

FRIDAY AND GANNON ARE SEEN DRIVING IN THE DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES TRAFFIC. THEY ARRIVE SOON AT AN EXTRA TALL BUILDING WITH LOTS OF FOREIGN MARKINGS.

This it?

Now, Bill, why do you think I would have stopped the car unless it was our destination?

Testy? Again? Today?

(beat)

Come on, what's eating you this time, Joe? Is it your lack of female companionship again?

Maybe. Clara tossed me out for a rug salesman guy. Can you believe it?

For goodness sake, Joe, is that all?

What about we discuss this later? I think we have a 40-story possible jumper to talk down, then arrest.

I guess so.

FRIDAY AND GANNON HUSTLE INSIDE AND RUN ONTO THE ELEVATOR.

FRIDAY AND GANNON ARRIVE ON THE 40TH FLOOR AMONGST A CROWN OF FOREIGN-SPEAKING PEOPLE.

FRIDAY PUSHES HIS WAY TO THE WINDOW OUTSIDE OF WHICH THE MAN IS LOCATED.

(poking his head out of the window)

Sir? I have been trained in talking possible jumpers out of their dilemma.

(beat)

Can I ask you why you are threatening to jump?

(something in a foregin tongue)

Sir, can you speak English?

(something in a foregin tongue)

I think I have to find an interpreter. Please wait a second.

FRIDAY ADDRESSES THE CROWD AROUND HIM IN THE BUILDING.

Do any of you speak the language of the man who is threatening to jump?

JUST THEN, THE CROWD IS AGHAST AS THE MAN JUMPED OFF

FRIDAY RACES TO THE WINDOW TO SEE THE MAN FADING FROM SIGHT TOWARD THE STREET.

(to Gannon)

Come on Bill, we better go down and see what happened.

So, your effort at talking him out of jumping failed?

You might say that. Come on.

THE MEN GET ON THE ELEVATOR TO GO DOWN BUT ACCIDENTALLY GET ON THE SERVICE ELEVATOR THAT MAKES STOPS AT EACH FLOOR.

Joe, I think we aren't going to beat the crowd that will be gathering downstairs.

Now Bill, how can you be so sure?

Just a hunch.

BOTH MEN ARE SHOWN SHAKING THEIR HEADS "YES".

FINALLY THE TWO INVESTIGATORS ARRIVE WHERE THE FOREIGN DIPLOMAT HAD HIT THE SIDEWALK.

Whoa!

FRIDAY AND GANNON FLASH THEIR BADGES TO THE CROWD WHO HAS GATHERED.

Police officers.

Officers, who was that person?

I'm sorry, that is classified information.

Did any of you people see what happened?

Now, Bill. I think we all know what happened.

It never hurts to verify, Joe. Didn't you learn that in detective school?

(to Bill on the side)

I don't see the need to deride me in public!

(feeling bad)

I meant, did any of you get struck by this falling object?

You mean it wasn't a person?

Sir, I'm afraid we are going to have to put you under arrest.

I beg your pardon!

I said, I'm afraid we are going to have to put you under arrest.

Sir, I heard you the first time!

FRIDAY REACHES AROUND TO GRAB HIS CUFFS.

(to onlooker)

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

Very good, Bill.

Thanks. I practiced.

THE ONLOOKER IS LOOKING LIKE HE DOESN'T QUITE UNDERSTAND THE BANTER BETWEEN THE TWO POLICE OFFICERS.

You did fine. Now, get the man's wallet.

(Friday is looking at the onlooker)

THE ONLOOKER SQUIRMS TO GET A VIEW WHAT THEY ARE UP TO.

(leans over to the onlooker)

Gotcha!

GANNON AND FRIDAY LAUGH HEARTILY

I demand I be released! Immediately!

Oh, quiet down. We'll let you go.

FRIDAY REACHES TO UNLOCK THE CUFFS.

Sorry mister. We just got carried away. A little police humor, that's all. Relieves the stress, you know. Now, let's not let this little incident go beyond the three of us here. Shall we?

(to the gathered, confused crowd)

Does anyone know who could help clean this mess here up? We're due back at the station, pronto.

(to Joe)

Good one! Best we get ourselves outta here, pronto, as you said. We are not the guys who oughtta be involved with suicide.

You got that right!

FRIDAY AND GANNON ARRIVE BACK AT THEIR OFFICE ONLY TO RUN INTO THEIR CAPTAIN.

Friday. Gannon. Did you two clowns just return from that ledge-jumping case after having falsely arrested an onlooker?

Well, sir, I think I can explain. We -

You're both fired! Pack up and get out!

But Captain, I ...

Out!

Yes sir.

(Joe turns to Gannon)

Bill, it's been real, my man.

(Joe and Bill shake hands)

Now you will excuse me, I have to go to the john.