TODD SWINDROW IS CONSIDERING SLIDING THE ELEPHANTS SOME IMITATION PEANUTS. HIS HELPER, ANNE SIMMS THINKS OTHERWISE.

You know, Anne, these animals don't always need to be given top-shelf chow.

(beat)

So, I am going to try to put some Be-nuts in their mix today. Could save the zoo a few bucks.

You can't be serious! You've got plenty of real peanuts. Why would you try to run in those fake ones?

I just told you. To save money.

Besides, the Be-nuts are not harmful. In fact, that real big elephant over there really loves them.

Still, you don't know what a Be-nut really is, do you?

I've got a pretty good idea. The guy who delivers hay here makes them.

OK then smarty-pants, what are they made of?

Vegetable matter. Yeah.

What vegetables?

The green ones, mainly.

Are you for real?

I know you're the boss, but do you really think that these poor captive creatures want to have their precious peanuts be fakes?

I guess I never thought they would care. As long as it fills their bellies.

If they're not so bad, how about you eating some?

I would, but I'm not hungry. Besides, we've got to doctor up the food supplies of the tigers and lions now also.

Come on.

Doctor up?? This is unconscionable!

What is unconscionable?

It means -

- I know what unconscionable means!

(patronizingly)

You sure??

Hey, you might find out what "unemployed" means in just a few minutes unless you pipe down.

AFTER FEEDING THE ELEPHANTS THEIR HALF-REAL PEANUTS, TODD AND ANNE RIDE ON OVER TO THE TIGER PEN.

Now, I want to see what you've learned. You take over feeing these guys.

But, I have never seen them be fed; I don't know what to give them.

I'd start with the raw meat.

(points)

Over there in that heap. Use the big chunks first. They are the oldest.

Oldest? You are giving them old meat??

In the wild, do you think they always live on fresh zebra? Still-warm wart hog?

They eat whatever they can find! Whenever they find it!

Now, toss it in there or else!

I don't think I like working here.

Why don't you quit then?

Because, well, because I can't. That's why!

Oh, I see. You talk a big game about how to feed, well, big game - Hey, pretty good, huh? - but you can't back up your precious animal ethics by stopping the flow of dinero.

No, it's just that my mom is counting on my income to be able to afford to retrieve her fur coat from the dry cleaner's.

Fur coat!? I wonder what the minks over on the far side of the zoo would think of that?

Oh, the coat is not made using minks. So, they wouldn't care.

No? Well, bearskin?

Guess again.

I give up.

And you call yourself a zookeeper!

Chinchilla. I don't think y'all have any of those cute little animals here. Right?

Chinchilla fur is a type of fur that is durable but of a very fine-haired variety, making it a good option for use in cold weather.

That so?

And they so easy to trap, safely hold and then skin alive!