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Thursday June 6, 2024


MORNING
9AM JACK-O-LANTERN FREE-FOR-ALL - Cartoon 4 hr.
The Halloween evening, 1954, has brought with it a bumper crop of pumpkins. Seedy, the black cat and Nutty, the grey squirrel, team up, respectively, to scare the wits out of trick-or-treaters and tunnel through as many porch-resident pumpkins as possible, thereby hastening their rotting in the autumn weather.

AFTERNOON
1PM BONANZA - Western, 1 hr.
Hop Sing is summoned to Carson City to answer questions regarding the disappearance of neighboring rancher Big Don DeVoss's sheep-herding pooch, Ole Bowdin. Ben Cartwright siezes the opportunity, while accompanying Sing as a character reference, to look up his old flame Mary Grunch, who is now much larger than when he courted her and gainfully employed, nonetheless, as a counterbalance weight on the hay bale scales in town.

EVENING
10PM GUNSMOKE - Western, 1 hr.
Matt is called on by Chester and Kitty to participate as a judge in the Dodge City hide tanning competition.

GUNSMOKE

"Lawman on a Mission"

 

INT JAIL - DAY

CHESTER AND MISS KITTY ARE PLEADING WITH DILLON TO BE THE JUDGE IN THE UPCOMING BEAVER HIDE TANNING CONTEST.

CHESTER

Well, Mr. Dillon, there really ain't nobody else around Dodge to be the judge.

DILLON

But, Chester, I am a lawman. What do I know about tanning hides? Especially beaver hides!

KITTY

Matt, everyone respects you here in town, so nobody will argue with you when you pronounce a winner.

DILLON

Kitty, I don't think I have ever even seen a beaver hide. The Dodge folks know I'm no hunter.

CHESTER

Well, I could school you real fast, if'n you want me to.

KITTY
(to Matt about Chester)

Yeah, Matt, he knows a whole lot about hunting and the like.

DILLON

Since when did you hunt, Chester? I've never seen you do any such thing!

CHESTER

Well, it's kind of like I have read a lot of books about hunting, and I believe I could teach you some too.

DILLON JUST STARES AT HIS DEPUTY.

KITTY

So, what do you say, Matt? You will be our judge? I mean, after Chester lays the hunting stuff on you?

DILLON

Well, I don't know if I can learn much about hunting, skinning and tanning in just a week before the contest.

KITTY

A week? The content is this afternoon!

CHESTER

Mr. Dillon, here, now pull up a chair and pay real close attention.

DOC ENTERS THE JAIL HOUSE ALL EXCITED.

DOC

Matt, they've done it! Finally! They've done it!!

DILLON

Hold it, Doc. Who has done what?

DOC

They have discovered how to tell if someone is clairvoyant! I knew this would eventually happen.

DILLON

Now, what does clairvoyant even mean?

KITTY

I have a feeling maybe I ought to leave the room.

DOC

Just stay, Kitty. Clairvoyant just means that you can see into the future.

KITTY

Like, I could see who was going to walk into the Long Branch before they actually arrive? Like, with mirrors and such?

DOC

No.

It's more like if I were to know how much money a person had on them when they need medical help so I can charge almost that amount.

KITTY

Oh, I see.

 

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The material published herein is intended to be satire, parody and/or just preposterously ridiculous. The resemblance between any fictitious and real person, place or thing without satirical intent is purely coincidental.