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Wednesday June 12, 2024

MORNING
10AM MR. ED - Comedy, 30 min.
Ed overindulges on clover and gets a near-fatal gas attack.
11:30 THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW - Comedy, 30 min.
Being severely rebuked by Alan Brady for being a part of such a poorly-written anniversary show, Sally and Buddy abruptly resign to open a coin laundry. And, speaking of coins, Rob soon realizes he can't maintain the previous level of high-quality writing singlehandedly so he flips a quarter to see if the answer will be to hire a fleet of ghostwriters or take another, as-yet undetermined decision tree path, itself to be determined by a succession of coin flips.
AFTERNOON
4PM HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN - Drama, 1 hr.
"Angel With an Angle". Jonathan realizes just how effectively he can work the angel gimmick to his advantage, specially when it comes to picking up orthodox women.
EVENING
10PM STAR TREK - SciFi, 1 hr.
Kirk makes an uncharacteristic and rookie starship commander mistake of assuming the Klingons are going to stop at Phibos-8 to refuel, knowing that that planet only can pump non-crystalized anti-matter.
10PM SCRIPTED ABSURDITY - Reality, 1 hr.
Fragrance company executives entertain in-house advice for a name for the latest men's fragrance, special, because it is entirely man-made.

SCRIPTED ABSURDITY

New fragrance name development

 

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM -- DAY

ARTHUR STEVENS, COMPANY VICE-PRESIDENT FOR NEW BUSINESS, GETS THE BALL ROLLING.

STEVENS

You people have all been called here to provide feedback upon hearing a list of possible names for our latest men's fragrance, code named "Fragrance X", the entirely man-made scent.

(beat)

So, our agenda here today is simple: I want an instant response from each of you after I give a possible name. From 1 to 10, with 10 being the most favorable. Understood?

MILLS

Yes.

SMITH

Yes, Mr. Stevens.

CLEAVER

Yes, sir.

MEHROTRA

Yes.

STEVENS

OK. Here we go.

MR. STEVENS PULLS OUT A SET OF CARDS WITH THE POSSIBLE FRAGRANCE NAMES.

STEVENS

"Victory"

MILLS

3.

SMITH

3.

CLEAVER

2.

MEHROTRA

4.

STEVENS LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM TO INSTILL SOME DEGREE OF FEAR INTO HIS EMPLOYEES. HE'S NOT FEELING THE ENTHUSIASM.

STEVENS

OK, "Triumph!".

SMITH

8.

MILLS

7.

CLEAVER

4.

MEHROTRA

5.

STEVENS

I see. A little better... OK, how about "Conquest!".

MILLS

9.

SMITH

10.

CLEAVER

9.

MEHROTRA

9.

STEVENS

Now we're cookin'. How about "Feat!".

THE ROOM HAS GONE DEADLY SILENT. STEVENS IS ANXIOUSLY WAITING FOR RESPONSES.

STEVENS

I said, how about, "Feat!". Gentlemen! ...

MILLS

Feet?! I don't know, Mr. Stevens. Really?

CLEAVER

Did you say, "Feet"?

SMITH

Is this a trick? To see if we're paying attention? Huh, Mr. Stevens, sir?

MEHROTRA

I don't understand.

STEVENS

"Feat!". Gentlemen! I need your scores! Let's go here!

MEHROTRA

What is, or are, "feet"? A fragrance?

STEVENS

That's what I'm asking you!

CLEAVER

Feet?

STEVENS BLOWS UP AT THIS LAST QUESTION. HE PICKS UP A PENCIL SHARPENER AND BOUNCES IT OFF OF CLEAVER'S NOGGIN. CLEAVER ABSORBS THE BLOW.

CLEAVER

Ow! Hey, what the ... ?

CLEAVER RETALIATES BY GRABBING A NEARBY CHAIR AND RAISING IT OVERHEAD AND TOSSING IT AT HIS BOSS, BUT ONLY STRIKING STEVENS ON THE ARM.

STEVENS

Why you! ... I'll moida you!

A RUMPUS ENSUES AS STEVENS PURSUES CLEAVER.

 
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The material published herein is intended to be satire, parody and/or just preposterously ridiculous. The resemblance between any fictitious and real person, place or thing without satirical intent is purely coincidental.