FADE IN: INT. JAILHOUSE
BARNEY
So she is totally broke? Zero funds?
ANDY
Barney, I think that's what "flat busted" means, don't you?
BARNEY
Well, unless Kate has had some surgeries we don't know about, I agree that she would
have to assume we know she is "flat busted" and then she is actually telling us
she needs money.
ANDY
I b'lieve that's what I had just said.
(beat)
Now, I have to decide whether I want to help her out or not.
BARNEY
(looking at Andy from the corner of his eyes)
Well, don't look at me. I am about broke myself, especially after
I had to repay the North Carolina Lawman Pension Fund for the withdrawal of a large
part of my money last year for that trap door I tried to install in my room.
ANDY
Oh yeah. I had forgotten about that.
(beat)
How much did that adventure cost you?
BARNEY
About 3 thousand plus a grand in penalty payments.
ANDY
Ouch! Man, did you mess up!
BARNEY
OK, it was a bad move. But it's behind me now. Can we just move on to the Kate deal?
ANDY
Where are the Solomon Islands, anyway?
BARNEY
Aren't they at the mouth of the Tar River?
ANDY
BARNEY
JUST THEN OPIE OPENS THE JAILHOUSE DOOR, AS HE IS ON THE WAY HOME FROM SCHOOL.
ANDY
(beat)
Say, Ope... you've probably studied about this... Where are the Solomon Islands?
OPIE
Gee, I think they are way over by Australia. Yeah, a hair east of New Guinea.
ANDY
BARNEY
How could Kate have even gotten there? She has no business being way out there!
ANDY
Barney, it hasn't been but 40 years since we've seen her. Anything could have happened.
OPIE
BARNEY
Oh, she's just an old friend of your Pa's. Well, mine too.
ANDY
Yours? I didn't even know you knew her, Barn.
BARNEY
ANDY
BARNEY
(to Andy)
This is not the subject here, is it Andy? Don't you have to decide if you are
going to send her some money?
OPIE
Money? Are you paying off women, Pa?
BARNEY
ANDY
Opie, Kate is someone I used to know.
BARNEY
ANDY
Barney knew her too, apparently. Anyway, she is a long way away and is in need of a way to
get back home.
BARNEY
Did the wire actually say she wanted to come back here, or that she just needed some dough?
ANDY REREADS THE WIRE TO HIMSELF.
ANDY
Well, no, it just says she needs money.
BARNEY
Oh, well, then I believe your way forward is clear. If she wants money for just any
old thing, which could include gambling or the like, I say don't send her a dime.
ANDY
Well, what if she is being held in some type of hostage situation and
her life is in jeopardy?
BARNEY
Then, in that case, you should probably wire her back and see what repayment terms she
could handle.
ANDY
You mean charge her the standard interest? Good idea.
BARNEY
Unless you want every Tom, Dick and Harry in Mayberry knowing you offer interest-free
loans!
OPIE CAN BE PATIENT NO LONGER.
OPIE
Pa, I need $20 for a fancy notebook for history class. Can you let me just have
the money or will I also have to pay you a usury fee?
ANDY
Usual usary fee. Hey, that's somewhat alliterative.
OPIE
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