POWERS RUNS TO CATCH UP WITH SIMPKINS, IN HOT PURSUIT OF A ROUGE BASSETT.

(huffing, puffing)

Mr. Simpkins, can I have a word? Can we talk? I want to ask you about your dog catcher award.

I'm busy right now! Come back later. Can't you see that dog I'm chasing?

Yes, but ...

(running)

I said, later!

POWERS, AND HIS CAMERA-MAN, RON GLICK, STOP RUNNING AND WALK OVER TO SIT ON A NEARBY BENCH. POWERS WATCHES THE GOINGS ON AS SIMPKINS RUNS IN BETWEEN BUSHES AND AROUND PARKED CARS TRYING TO SNARE AN UNCOLLARED BASSETT HOUND.

THE DOG RUNS UNDER A LARGE TRUCK. SIMPKINS GETS ON ALL FOURS AND THEN PULLS A HUGE DOG BISCUIT FROM HIS POCKET.

Heeeere, Poochie! Come get the treat. Heere doggie! Ummm. Big piece of ham!

THE DOG IS INDIFFERENT, BUT REMAINS AT A SAFE DISTANCE.

POWERS NOTICES THE STAND-OFF FROM HIS SEAT.

Come get the treat. Heeere doggie!

THE DOG LAYS DOWN.

SIMPKINS LAYS ON THE ROAD ALSO AND REACHES UNDER THE TRUCK AS FAR AS HE CAN TO TRY TO ROPE THE DOG. HE STRETCHES MIGHTILY, HEAD TURNED, TO GET CLOSER TO SNARING THE DOG.

THE DOG RISES UP ON HIS LEGS AND JUMPS CLOSER TO SIMPKINS' HAND AND NIPS HIM.

OW! OOOWWW! Why you ... !

(shouting from his seat 50 yards away)

. WHAT HAPPENED? GET BIT?

REALIZING WHAT TIME IT IS, POWERS CALLS HIS LOAFING CAMERA-MAN TO ACTION.

Glick! Glick, get up. Let's go over to that truck. You may have to lay down to shoot the dog, under the truck. We're up against it here. It's 4:10. We need to get this to the studio by 4:25. Hurry!

Huh?

Glick! Get up and go over there! I'll be right behind you.

SIMPKINS STRAIGHTENS HIS TIE AND COMBS HIS HAIR.

NEAR THE TRUCK, NO PROGRESS HAS BEEN MADE ON EXTRACTING THE HOUND.

(trying a calmer tack)

Hi Doggie. Want a hot dog?

POWERS AND HIS CAMERMAN HAVE ARRIVED. THE CAMERA-MAN LIES ON THE PAVEMENT AND STARTS ROLLING TAPE.

(standing by the truck, off camera)

We're here on Duvall St. at the scene of a dangerous hound capture attempt. Mr. Mug Simpkins, recent winner of the local dog catcher of the week award, has trapped the canine below this vehicle. The dog, an alledged thief to which over seven trash bin overturnings have been attributed, is wanted and Simpkins was given the task of bringing him in. Dead or alive!

(speaking loudly from half under the truck)

WHAT A CROCK!

THE CAMERA-MAN IS ALTERNATELY TAPING SIMPKINS' ATTEMPTS TO EXTRACT THE DOG AND THE BASSETT SNOOZING UNDER THE TRUCK.

(to camera-man)

Hey, do you need to be filming this?

Hey, I'm just doing my job, pal. What's going on here anyway?

Turn that thing off. I've got to get up some phlegm.

Nice!

GLICK TURNS OFF THE CAMERA.

Some old lady called me this morning and asked that we get rid of this dog.

(looks at the unassuming dog)

THIS dog?! He looks REAL dangerous! How could this dog be a problem?

I don't know. But if they're paying Spot Remover to remove Spot here, I'm removing Spot. Once way or another.

Really? Spot Remover? You're "Spot Remover"? That's rich! I love it.

POWERS IS GROWING IMPATIENT.

Hey, what's going on down there?

(frankly)

What a lame guy! Powers! You know he used to be a hair stylist? What a weenie!

Yeah, he's weak, alright. How'd you get hooked up with him, anyway?

Hey, it's a job. I'm waiting for my plumber's license to be approved and then I'm out of here. Unclogging sinks is real dough. How much do you dog catchers make? Nice geeters?

Are you kidden'!? It's horrible. The city pays us squat! Just a little over minimum.

Really!

No hock. I was a trashman before this so I had a little city pension vesting, you know. I'd hate to give that up.

THE DOG HAS FALLEN DEAD ASLEEP.

POWERS BEGINS TO GET DOWN ON HIS KNEES TO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON UNDER THE TRUCK.

Hey, Glick. I need to overdub what tape you got. Hurry up and finish it and get up here. It's 4:20.

Hey, you want a real story? I've seen this dog before. He's just a little contrary, not a real nuisance. But he does have a monsta set of choppers, 'specially for a dog this size. Let me poke him until he bears his teeth at us and you can film that and tell that jerk up there that he tried to gnaw your hand off or something.

(agreeing)

Hey, that would be great! But, I wouldn't have any teeth marks to show him. He'd refute that tale, I'm afraid.

Oh yeah. Well, how 'bout all of a sudden, I scramble back and get up and begin screaming, "He bit me! He's rabid!", then run away? You cam film that. Can you make it look like chaos under here?

Easy. I just push this "unsteady" button and things get so blurry and mixed up, nobody will know what's happening, least of all, Powers. Let's do it.

OK. On the count of three, I will holler real loud and squirm out from under this truck. You -

JUST THEN, SOMEONE GETS IN THE TRUCK AND STARTS IT.

Hey! Let's get out of here. Come here poochie. Coooomee here!

BOTH MEN SCRAMBLE TO THEIR FEET AND END UP RIGHT BESIDE POWERS. THE BASSETT HOUND STAYS PUT.

(to the truck driver)

Hey! Stop! There's a dog under the truck!

Hey, what's going on, Glick?

THE DOG RUNS OUT, BETWEEN POWERS' LEGS. THE TRUCK DRIVES OFF.

(to Glick)

I guess our trick is off then?

GLICK EXPRESSES DISAPPROVAL TO SIMPKINS' REMARK IN FRONT OF POWERS.

What? What trick? Can that dog do a trick?

(to Glick)

Did you get it? It's past time to get this video uploaded. Gimme something!

Didn't you see him? When he ran away?

(points to Simpkins)

He was wearing that man's watch!

That dog can tell time!?

(incredulous at the limited mental power of Powers)

Are you for real?

The dog is a jewelry thief!

OK! That's the angle we'l play up. Quick, get the video to the van so I can dub in the audio.

POWERS RUNS OFF TOWARD THE VAN, LEAVING GLICK BESIDE SIMPKINS.

What must I tell him when he sees there's no video?

Tell him the "dog ate your work"!

BOTH MEN YUK IT UP.

(starting to follow Powers)

Budda bing! Well, not bad! Yes, the judges proclaim that to be not bad.

Huh?