BARNEY IS VERY UPSET AT WHAT THELMA LOU HAS CONFIDED IN HIM.

What's the matter, Barn? You're mad like somebody has poked you!

Oh, Andy, Thelma Lou has told be something that she said not to tell anyone else. It's, well, it's not good.

Is she sick?

(Barney is pacing)

No! She's not sick!

Well, I take that back. She's sick of what has happened to her.

Did she lose something valuable?

I guess you could say she did.

Well, what was it? Can't she buy another like it?

(just looks at Andy)

Absolutely not!

Well, Barney, maybe whatever it was can be found.

Andy, if I tell you, do you promise to keep absolutely silent about it?

Sure, Barn.

Well, ... well, Thelma Lou got a bad wax job! There! Now you know! Happy?

You mean she had a moustache or something and now it's gone?

(almost laughing)

Oh, funny you are!

Well, OK, what did she get waxed? Or not waxed?

(getting more worked up)

Yeah, or not waxed is right.

You wanna know? I'll tell ya! She got a bad back-hair wax job! They have made her look like one of those striped apes!

(smiling, trying not to laugh)

Well, come on Barn! That's not the end of the world.

The bad part is that they said she can't try again to get it all off for another three months!

OK, so in three short months, she goes back.

Goes back to the same people who have botched her this time?!

Well, I guess. There just aren't too many places around these parts that can do this type thing. I think Aunt Bee uses a place clear over in Raleigh.

Aunt Bee has back hair?

No, she goes for what she calls her "beach" waxing.

(gives an expression)

You know...

Aunt Bee in a bikini?

Please, I just ate an hour ago.

Well, we were planning on going to the "Backless Square Dance" next week. Now that's out!

Can't she wear some sort of skin-like suit over the remaining back hair to hide it?

Hey! I never thought of that.

BARNEY TEARS OUT OF THE JAIL HOUSE TO GO TALK TO THELMA LOU.

THE PHONE RINGS.

Oh hi, Aunt Bee. ... No, Barney just left. ... You say they've landed a man on the moon? ... Yes, I will have to turn it on and look. ... No, I didn't steal Opie's lunch surprise today! ... Listen Aunt Bee, I've got important sherrif stuff to do, can we talk later on? ... Sure, I heard about Thelma Lou's bad wax job. ... Oh, you say Opie told you? ...