JED AND JETHRO AND GRANNY ARE ALL IN THE MANSION FOYER EXAMINING A LETTER.

It says here, Jethro, that you are to report to Fort Allen in two days.

I saw that, but, for what? And, what's a fort?

Maybe they want him to build a fort.

Oh, I see. It says you are going to be in the Army. Wellll Doggies! A real Army man!

Army? Does that mean I get to wear a uniform, Uncle Jed?

Well, I sure think so.

Hotttt dooog!

If this is like the Confederate Army they probably want him for his shootin' ability.

Could be Granny's right. Have you practiced shootin' lately?

Well, naw. Not really. I've shot at squirrels and crows but nothing else.

Well, you better git to practicin' right away. The Army ain't gonna want to feed and clothe you 'less you can shoot good.

Now Granny, give the boy a few minutes to get used to the idea of being in the Army.

I wonder where Fort Allen is. Maybe Mr. Drysdale knows. I'll call him.

JED DIALS MR. DRYSDALE ON THE PHONE.

Hello, Mr. Drysdale? We sure would appreciate it if you can tell us how to get to Fort Allen. Jethro is in the Army now. ... Hello? ... Mr. Drysdale? ...

(Jed talks to Granny and Jethro)

Sounded like he flopped on the floor.

He probably is surprised I am going to have a fancy uniform and all!

And, don't forget the fancy shootin'!

Uncle Jed, can we commence the fancy shootin' right away?

I don't see why not. We can go set up some of Elly's cookies out yonder on a log. They'll make dandy targets.

DIRECTLY, MR. DRYSDALE ARRIVES AT THE CLAMPETT MANSION TO SEE WHAT THIS ARMY STUFF IS ALL ABOUT.

MR. DRYSDALE HEARS SHOOTING AND GOES AROUND BACK WHERE HE SEES JED AND JETHRO FIRING A SHOTGUN.

Well, howdy, Mr. Drysdale.

Mr. Clampett, what are you two doing? You can't be firing a shotgun in Beverly Hills.

We're getting me ready for the Army by shootin' at some of Elly's cookies.

What is all this Army stuff all about, anyway?

I think they want Jethro to join up so he can be a dead-eye shooter.

Mr Clampett, do you have the letter the Army sent to Jethro?

Sure. Right here.

JED PULLS THE LETTER OUT OF HIS POCKET AND HANDS IT TO MR. DRYSDALE.

(takes, reads letter)

This says that Jethro Bodine is to report in two days to Fort Allen. Don't they know that Fort Allen is way over in Arkansas?!

I need to call and see what is going on.

MR. DRYSDALE GOES INSIDE THE CLAMPETT MANSION AND MAKES A CALL AND THEN RETURNS.

I'm afraid they have made a terrible mistake. The Jethro Bodine they wanted was only 18 years old and lives in West Va.

You mean I don't get to wear a uniform?

Well, just not the Army uniform. I'm sure Miss Jane could get you a fry cook or bellhop uniform.

(to Mr. Drysdale only)

Mr. Drysdale. Let's not demean the boy by assuming he would settle for such second-class uniforms. Can't you at least find a bus-driver uniform to fit him?