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Wednesday July 17, 2024


MORNING
9:30 BONANZA - Drama, 1 hr.
Hoss invests Ponderosa money in a business that is focused on duplicating the success of the American Express Company, only this time with 100% child labor.

AFTERNOON
3:30 GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - Comedy, 30 min.
A mysterious, seemingly impervious box washes up on the island.

GILLIGAN'S ISLAND

"A Boxing Match"

 

FADE IN: INT. GINGER'S HUT - DAY

GINGER IS COMBING HER HAIR.

MARY ANN KNOCKS ON HER DOOR, THEN COMES IN.

MARY ANN

Ginger, seen the big impervious box that we found on the shore?

GINGER

No. What's in it?

MARY ANN

Nobody knows. It cannot be opened. Duh? Impervious?

GINGER

Huh?

MARY ANN

Yeah. Since even the Professor can't even begin to pry it open, we are all taking bets on the contents for when we do get it open.

GINGER

Speaking of bets, I bet I could open it.

MARY ANN

I'd just like to know how!

GINGER

Well, I'd use one or two of those old grenades the Skipper found last year. They'd blow that box open, I bet.

MARY ANN

Why don't you come look at it? It's impervious, you know.

GINGER

Oh, Mary Ann! I've got better things to do right now.

MARY ANN

Like what?

GINGER

Like remaining here to let my stomach settle down. Since last night, when I over-ate at Gilligan's soft-scallop fry, it hasn't been right. And I do mean not right!

MARY ANN

Suit yourself.

CUT TO: EXT. THE SKIPPER'S HUT - DAY

PROFESSOR

So, Skipper, do you have any other ideas about how we could open that box? I mean, now that your burning it up, or as you said, "getting it red hot" idea failed.

SKIPPER

I still can't believe that that hot fire had absolutely no effect on that box. It is truly impervious!

PROFESSOR

Well, we need to try to think outside the box and come up with something else.

SKIPPER

Outside the box. I like that.

PROFESSOR

Skipper, THINK! Quit dawdling and THINK!

SKIPPER

Did we consider trying to blow it open?

PROFESSOR

Yeah. Remember, we swiped some of those grenades Ginger had. Complete failure! It's impervious, you know.

SKIPPER

I got it!! I know how we can open the box!

PROFESSOR

You mean the impervious one?

SKIPPER
(not appreciating the patronization)

Yes. That one.

PROFESSOR
(relenting)

How?

SKIPPER

We get that acetylene cutting torch still in the Minnow wreckage working again and cut the box open! Huh? Pretty good, right?

PROFESSOR

Skipper, are you serious? That old torch has surely rusted, or oxidized in some other manner, by now. Come on, man!

SKIPPER

I guess you're right, Professor.

PROFESSOR

Hey, maybe ... Nah!

Or ... Nah.

SKIPPER

Oh! Say, how 'bout ... Nah.

JUST THEN, A MAN BEARING A STRONG RESEMBLANCE TO WALLY COX ENTERS THE SCENE FROM THE LEFT.

PROFESSOR

I'm sorry, who might you be?

FADE OUT:

 

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The material published herein is intended to be satire, parody and/or just preposterously ridiculous. The resemblance between any fictitious and real person, place or thing without satirical intent is purely coincidental.