THE CLEAVERS ARE EATING A TYPICAL, ALL-AMERICAN DINNER AND HAVING TYPICAL CONVERSATION.

Well, did you boys do anything exciting today in school?

Not me, Dad.

Well, Beaver, how about you?

Ditto what Wally just said.

Beaver, wouldn't it have been more economical to have just replied using the same words as Wally used?

Gee, Dad. Wally's reply, I thought, didn't bear repeating.

Oh, Beaver, you musn't think like that! Sounds a little evil.

Hold on, people! Let me start over.

(Ward gathers himself)

Well Beaver, did you do anything exciting today in school?

Like I said, Dad. No.

Now, you boys must have done something worth talking about here in front of your father and me!

Well ... I heard some kid threatened to beat up another kid if the other kid didn't stop saying the first kid was a sissy.

JUNE AND WARD LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN HORROR.

Wally, surely you didn't hear that right!

Well, maybe.

Well, at my school two girls got mad at each other and threw ink and pulled the other one's hair. All the kids saw it, too.

What did your teacher, Miss Landers, say?

She wasn't there. She was in the bathroom, I think.

Yeah, Mom, the classes in Beaver's school have bathrooms.

Well, surely Miss Landers could have heard the rumpas even if she was in the john!

Well, if she heard anything, like when the second girl screamed "STOP IT", she must not have wanted to come out and do anything.

Oh, Ward. Don't you think you ought to go to the Beaver's school tomorrow and see about this?

See about what?

About Miss Landers being more interested in her bathroom activities than the fact that her own class is fighting.

I tell you what, Beaver. The next time there is a fight or some such, while Miss Landers is in the bathroom, I give you my permission to report the incident to the principal.

But Dad, the Beaver would be teased into submission for being a snitch.

I see your point.

I tell you what Beaver, next time she is in the bathroom while any fighting is going on, just turn off her light. Believe me, she will come out quickly then!

Oh Ward, is that the way you used to handle this type thing?!

Well, the outhouses had no light switches. We just turned it over. Same effect. It got their attention.

(looking proud, smiling)

And usually got you-know-what all over them.

Gross, Dad!

Sometimes.

Usually.