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Thursday August 1, 2024

MORNING
9:30 BEWITCHED - Sitcom, 30 min.
Samantha wreaks havoc with the state lottery and causes her husband to win not only the grand prize but all subsidiary prizes as well. When suspicions are voiced by the lottery officials, she makes each of their mortgage payments double, at least.
10:30 THE REAL McCOYS - Sitcom, 30 min.
Little Luke is caught red handed attempting to bribe the 4-H goat judges before the town-sponsored Nanny-of-the-Year competition. Amos intervenes by rebranding the contest as a teenage payola demonstration.
AFTERNOON
2:30 HAWAII FIVE-0 - Drama, 1 hr.
McGarrett gets information that Wo Fat is planning a "backyard showdown" on the big island. All available men are, once again, marshalled into action. Chin, however, questions the degree of terror a rattled Fat could possibly wreak, knowing that he has recently had his weight-loss prescription cost rise exponentially, for no particular reason.
4PM I LOVE LUCY - Comedy, 30 min.
The Ricardos consider bringing charges against the Mertzes for failing to make safety-related repairs to the apartment building.

I LOVE LUCY

Going Up!

 

RICKY AND LUCY ARE SITTING IN THEIR LIVING ROOM DISCUSSING WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE DILAPIDATED EXCUSE FOR AN APARTMENT BUILDING THEY LIVE IN.

LUCY

And I don't even know how Fred can say with a straight face that they are sorry but the rent must go up.

RICKY

I know! And, how about them trying to make everyone believe that the elevator got broken by some family of fat slobs coming to visit their friend in the building?!

LUCY

We live on the 18th floor and I am just tired of all those steps! Some of them are broken and seem to be about falling apart.

RICKY

And how about every time I come home from the club, my shoulder-padded suit is drenched from sweat from hiking up those stairs!

LUCY

Why don't we just go up there to their place and get all this put out in the open?!

RICKY

OK! Let's go!

LUCY

But Ricky, promise me you will try to keep your hot-tempered latin attitude in check.

RICKY

No can do, honey. My feet are some kind of sore!

LUCY

What? Sore feet is your excuse?

RICKY

If Fred or Ethel say even one thing I don't like, I will say right now that I will not be responsible for my actions.

LUCY

Well, I'm certainly not taking the heat for you popping one or both of them!

RICKY

Hey, I thought we were a team!

LUCY

Now see here, Ricky Ricardo, if you can't control your temper and therefore do any physical damage to the Mertzes, I will ... I will ...

RICKY

You will what?

LUCY

Well, you'll just have to wait to find out what I will do.

THE PHONE RINGS. RICKY ANSWERS IT.

RICKY

Hello?

Yes.

No, we don't want to buy a lot in Florida.

Goodbye!

LUCY

Who was that?

RICKY

Some joker selling house lots in some place called the Everglades in Florida.

LUCY

Everglades?! I thought that was a big swamp.

RICKY
(ignoring the swamp offer)

Listen Lucy, I am kind of cooling off on the Mertz/apartment/elevator thing. And, I had to do the funky mambo for a couple of hours tonight for some old lady's birthday and my dogs are barking. Can we just let it go for now?

LUCY

But, what about you ruining your shoulder-padded suits sweating up 18 stories of stairs in this summer heat?!

RICKY

I actually think I can write most, if not all, of them off anyway.

Do we have any of those huge band aids?

RICKY TAKES HIS LEFT SHOE AND SOCK OFF.

RICKY

Oh man, look at this sore!

LUCY
(glancing over)

Yuk! And, your foot stinks! Go in the other room.

 
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The material published herein is intended to be satire, parody and/or just preposterously ridiculous. The resemblance between any fictitious and real person, place or thing without satirical intent is purely coincidental.