THE SKIPPER IS BEYOND WOUND UP AFTER THE DISCOVERY OF SHRUNKEN HEADS ON THE LAGOON BEACH.

(extremely excited)

Professor, we can't just sit around and pretend this didn't happen!

But, Skipper, this type thing happens all over the Pacific. The indigenous people all over consider it a huge victory to shrink their captives' heads.

That may be, but how about if they captured us?? You want your noggin miniaturized?

Professor, is the Skipper just blowing smoke or are we in real danger?

We could be in some danger. Could.

Yeah, like, how much "could"?

I'll tell you how much we could, Gilligan. I once saw a tribe of islanders take a tour boat's worth of passengers, decapitate them and boil their heads until the each of them was about the size of a mango.

Skipper, that's baloney and you know it! It would take days - weeks - to cook parts of people so that their heads were real small.

Oh yeah? I said I saw it happen.

For real?

Well, in a movie. But, still ...

(relieved)

Oh, in a movie. I once saw Rodan destroy a whole Japanese town and then crap in their water supply - in a movie!

Nonetheless, those shrunken heads that washed are real. Somebody made that happen.

Ah, this could all be a trick.

Who, way out here, would want to do such a thing?!

Maybe those people who once came here to trade with us, so that we could give them life-saving medical supplies for their beads and shells!

What?! We never had any such medical supplies. They were all lost when the Minnow broke up.

Well ... maybe someone led them to believe we had those supplies. And they were delighted. Maybe that happened.

(attention to Gilligan)

Ah, Gilligan, did you tell them that?

Maybe. Maybe I did.

Wait, Skipper. Maybe we can use this to our advantage.

Huh?

I said, maybe we can use this to our advantage.

I heard you the first time. I just don't know what you mean.

Yes, Professor, what do you mean?

I mean ...

(looks into space)

Ahhh crap!! I've lost my train of thought!

Well, I don't know about yall, but I am going to sleep with a baseball bat under my covers tonight just in case.

In case someone comes by who wants to shrink your head?

No, in case a baseball game erupts during the night!

Sheeesh, Professor. Maybe you already have one of those one-ounce brains!

Gilligan, maybe you should show the mighty Professor, who can't ever seem to figure a way we can be saved and get back to our loved ones, more respect.

Yeah!