First off, there are no real stars in this picture. So, there is nobody to really blame for a weak performance, or credit with a good performance. Even the mystical "Lord Fish" is, at best, a novice and an unimpressive actor.

I saw this film as a fish-out-of-water story, if you will pardon the lame pun.

How so?

I saw Joe-Bob, the cabinet salesman, as the best fisherman but the lousiest excuse-maker-upper I have heard in a while. I mean, "I hooked an octapus but it slithered through the net as I was yanking it out of the water"? Weak!

But, how is that a fish-out-of-water thing?

Well, the octapus got pulled out of the water.

Oh, I thought you meant there was someone who was doing something they were ill-equipped for doing.

Huh?

(beat)

No. The octapus. Well, not technically a fish. But, come on!

Let's get to the heart of this waste-of-time movie, shall we? Can we agree that if it weren't for the ridiculous stories they made up to tell their wives to justify the costs of their fishing adventure there wouldn't be any reason to watch more than fifteen minutes of this?

Well, I thought the movie had a lot more to laugh at.

(beat)

When their boat ran over that poor canoeist - and the guys didn't even know it - I thought that was a hoot!

A hoot?! Didn't that lady drown?

I don't know. They never showed what was left at the back of the boat. She was probably OK.

If you say so.

(beat)

I thought the tale Jim made up about his day spent rescuing underaged, non-swimmers was the best. The most believable. Not that funny though.

Seemed too white-bread to me. Might be a valid tale for the wife but, bor-ing!

(beat)

I liked the one Ray made up about a whirlpool spinning the boat around to the point of everyone getting sick from the over-dizziness then being sucked under and only being able to survive by ending up in an air-filled underwater cavern.

Too much detail. No wife would buy it. Besides, they still came back in the boat!

Oh yeah. Well, that story was the jewel in this weak flick.

(beat)

Can we just agree that this was a bad film?

Wait, we forgot to talk about the appearance of Lord Fish.

Who?

Lord Fish.

I don't remember him. Wait a minute! Was he the guy who came up in another boat to check the guys' fishing licenses?

No. He was the fat bum who, up until the time when the boat was heading back to the dock - NOT stuck in an underwater cavern - had been sleeping in the cabin. He came up at the end to get his share of the catch, which was zero!

(beat)

So, until next time, when we will discuss the new film, "There Must be a Fountain of Youth!", I'll say, so long from Junior Peabody ...

... And Joe-Bob Lewellyn.

(beat)

Wait, did you say Fountain of Youth?

Yeah, why?

Oh boy!