REGGIE DUPREE, FROM DALLAS, TEXAS WAS INTRODUCED. HE APPEARED TO WEIGH PUSHING 500 LBS AND WAS HAVING DIFFICULTY NEGOCIATING THE STAGE STEPS AT PHOENIX'S UTOPIA GRILL WHERE HE WAS WORKING THE 11 O'CLOCK SHOW BEFORE A FAIRLY SPARSE CROWD. AN ACCOMPANYING YOUNG WOMAN WAS SET UP ON THE SIDE OF THE STAGE WITH A STOOL AND A SNARE DRUM.

THERE WAS GENERAL CROWD MUMBLING AND LAYER OF CIGARETTE SMOKE EXTENDING TO THE STAGE. A COUPLE OF FRONT-ROW MALE MEMBERS OF THE AUDIENCE HAD REMOVED THEIR BOOTS, ASSUMABLY FOR THEIR OWN COMFORT.

How are ya'll tonight? Before I came over from the motel a little while ago I saw on the TV that NASA launched another satellite yesterday that's supposed to take pictures of stars in another galaxy. Now tell me, why would we need to actually see what the crap other stars look like?! I mean wouldn't our Madonna look pretty much like their Madonna ?!

(rim shot, absolutely no audience reaction!)

Yeah, and they also said that this time the satellite was so smart that if it hit a meteor or something while it was in orbit, it could fix itself! Hey, I'd like to have a pregnant cat like that!

(chortle from the corner)

I mean I like cats and all but don't you just hate it when they get up in your bedroom and spray that stinking stuff out on your furniture? I told my wife the other day that if she could get that creature to lap up some Windex and shut it up in the bathroom for a few hours her mirror cleaning days would be over!

(double rim shots, few minor eruptions of laughter)

Speaking of pets, I once had a parrot that must have had an IQ of 150! I told my wife that the bird was smarter than both of us put together. She said that I wasn't that far from being the size of two people put together!

(rim shot, riotous laughter)

THE AUDIENCE IS NOW FIGURED BY MR. DUPREE TO BE INTO SELF DEPRECATING JOKES.

DUPREE SHADES HIS EYES AS IF TO BE SEARCHING THE THIN CROWD FOR A MARK FOR HIS NEXT JOKE.

I see we have some rather portly members of the audience tonight. How much you weigh Tiny? Yeah you, lady! Oh, shy, huh? Hey, maybe I'll help you out. I'd say, oh, about 300 pounds. Am I right? Come on Tubby, how much that stuff weigh?

AUDIENCE GROWING SEMI-HOSTILE, SHIFTING WEIGHT IN SEATS. DUPREE QUICKLY SENSES HIS MISCALCULATION.

Moving right along, I was having some car trouble the other day. I took my car in to a mechanic and told him that it was acting sluggish when I tried to accelerate. He took one look at me and said that he'd be amazed if it didn't have that trouble!

(rim shot, pause for anticipated laughter, but dead silence among the audience)

I then said, 'What's that supposed to mean?' To which he quickly changed his attitude and said, 'I mean, it is a Buick isn't it?'

(rim shot)

THE AUDIENCE MEMBERS LOOK AT EACH OTHER, LAUGHING BECAUSE THEY ABSOLUTELY DO NOT GET THE JOKE.

Did I mention that I used to have a smart parrot? ...

MR. DUPREE CONTINUED HIS BRAND OF HUMOR UNTIL ABOUT MIDNIGHT, AT WHICH TIME THE MAIN POWER CIRCUIT WENT OUT, ABRUPTLY ENDING THE SHOW.