AS HOP SING WALKS OUT TO TEND TO THE RANCH CHICKENS, HE NOTICES SEVERAL ROACHES SCURRYING AWAY.

BEN CARTWRIGHT HAS ARRIVED IN THE DINING ROOM EXPECTING A HEARTY BREAKFAST.

(seeing nobody and no food)

Hey Hop Sing? Hoss? Joseph? Where is everyone?

HOP SING HAS RUN BACK IN AFTER CHASING THE BIG BUGS OFF.

Yes, Mr. Cartwright. I here. Many large bugs outside. I chase away.

Ok, bugs outside. How does that affect our breakfast inside this house? Isn't the outside where those critters are supposed to be. Hop Sing?

HOP SING TRYING TO THINK.

The answer is, YES!

Now, let's get some grub out here pronto.

Yes, Mr. Cartwright. Right away.

(hollering)

HOSS? COME ON DOWN TO EAT!

HOP SING RUNS TO KITCHEN, OPENS THE PANTRY DOOR AND SEES A LOT OF ROACHES.

(in a panic)

Ahhhh! Many bug all over place! Ahhhh!

BEN, STILL WAITING FOR HIS FOOD, HEARS HOP SING SCREAMING AND COMES TO SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.

(laughing a little)

What's wrong, Hop Sing? A flea frighten you!

HOP SING GOES TO PANTRY AND OPENS THE DOORS WIDER SO BEN CAN SEE.

(amazed)

What the ... ? Hop Sing, get those things out of here! What kind of kitchen operation are you running here?! We're not gonna eat food that has those roaches-slash-large beetles on it!

(beat)

HOSS?! Come down here!

HOSS HAD BEEN ALMOST IN THE DINING ROOM ANYWAY, SO ARRIVES IN THE KITCHEN FORTHWITH.

You rang, Daddy-O?

"Daddy-O"? Whaaat?

I mean, you called, Pa?

Yes. I want you to see the state of our pantry, which contains the food Hop Sing prepares for us daily. Just Look ...

BEN LEADS HOSS TO WHERE HE CAN SEE THE ROACH-COVERED FOOD SUPPLIES.

Good God!

BEN TURNS TO LOOK ASKANCE AT HIS SON FOR THE EXPRESSION HE JUST UTTERED.

I mean, wow! That's a lot of bugs!

Where did they come from?

Hop Sing no bring here. They come when Mr. Joe come here with Miss June two night ago. He was up -

Whoa! Slow down Hop Sing.

Now, you say these roaches, or whatever they are, first showed up when Joseph had a lady friend over here? In the kitchen?

That right. She was dancing and all types of insect were flying around her. Many fall on floor! They crawl in cracks in this room.

Well, we'll just see about this!

BEN SHOUTS FOR LITTLE JOE.

Pa, that ain't gonna do no good. I saw Joe leave early this morning. He and some lady.

What?! What is going on in this erstwhile wholesome up-scale ranch house?

(Hoss gives the "uh oh" expression)

Well, Hoss I want you to go find that son of mine and bring him right back here. We'll just see about this!

(beat)

I can't believe Joseph is cavorting with such trashy women! We can afford better.

But, Pa, I haven't eaten this morning. I gotta have something to eat!

Oh, for crying out loud! ...

BEN GOES INTO THE PANTRY, GRABS A LARD CAKE, SHAKES OFF THE ROACHES, AND HANDS IT HOSS.

Well, that's better.

Now go on! Go find your brother!

Half-brother, right?

Go find your half-brother! Git!

HOURS PASS AND FINALLY HOSS RETURNS LEADING TWO OTHER HORSES WITH RIDERS.

(screaming)

PA! I'M BACK!

BEN GETS UP AND COMES OUTSIDE.

Well, where are they?

(in hushed voice)

They're the ones hunched over asleep on these two other horses. But, Shhhh! Don't wake them up?

Why, Hoss? Why can't I wake them up?

Well, it's just that Joe had told me to tell you that.

Oh, he did, did he?

BEN WALKS BACK TO THE SECOND HORSE WHERE SITS A SLUMPED OVER AND SLUMBERING JOE AND GRABS ONE OF HIS LEGS AND PULLS HIM OFF HIS HORSE, SLAMING HIM TO THE GROUND.

Ow! What the ... !

Get up, Joseph! I want an explanation for what happened the other night to get us infested with roaches and the like!

JOE IS GATHERING HIMSELF AND THEN STANDIING UP.

Ah, well, you see, I met this gal here - June - in the saloon over in Reno. She claimed she knew magic - claimed she could make bugs disappear - but I just figured she was a looker wanting to latch onto some young, elligible heir to a Nevada ranch fortune, like me. We got to talking and, come to find out, she was a legitimate business woman who was running a pest extermination company - Creepy-Crawlys Get Out Right Now, Or Else!! - and was just wanting to know if I could use her help. Well, one thing led to another, and we found ourselves in our kitchen, tossing down glasses of wine and eating room-temperature cheese until, I guess, I passed out. That's the whole tale, honest.

And, let me guess, while you were snoozing she must have infected our kitchen with the same type roaches and the like that her company could - suspiciously coincidentally - just happen to be able to get rid of!

(sarchastically)

And, that's a snappy company name she has.

JUST THEN THE THIRD HORSE'S RIDER BEGAN TO AWAKEN.

Where am I? This looks awful familiar.

(releaved)

Ahhh, Joe! I am so glad you are here. Wait! Is this the house I was at recently where my whole bug collection got loose?

(smiling)

And - June, is it? - we'd appreciate it if you could go collect those bugs. They seem to be gathered in our kitchen pantry area at the moment.

Oh, thank you. Are you Joe's father, owner of this fine ranch and the resident bill-payer?

(still smiling)

Why, yes. Yes, I am. Ben Cartwright is the name.

BEN REACHES UP TO GENTLY EASE THE SHAPELY JUNE OFF HER HORSE.

Calm down, Pa! She's my date.