MATT DILLON IS WORN OUT AND LOOKING VERY HARRIED.

DOC ENTERS.

Good morning, Matt.

(Doc noticies the look on Matt's face)

Say, Matt, are you OK?

(grasping and wiping down on his face with both hands)

Well, to tell you the truth, no, I am not. I've been working literally all night trying to get the details straight of my mother's heritage. I am stumped. And, I can't figure out what I've done wrong.

What in tarnation are you doing fiddling with arcane stuff like that?

(giving Doc the "duh" look)

Doc, you know that telegram I got last week?

Yeah, I think I do.

Well, it was from a lawyer back East explaining that I must prove that at least one of my great-great-great-great-great-great-grandparents on my mother's side was on the Mayflower, way back in the early 1600's, or else the inheritance one of them had set aside for those in my generation will go to some charity or something, and NOT me!

How much money are we talking about?

Near as I can figure, about two million dollars!

DOC'S MOUTH DROPS OPEN.

(Seeing Doc's reaction)

Yeah! That's right!

(beat)

Doc, snap out of it!

DOC COMES BACK TO THE PRESENT.

Well, can you prove it? That's a lot of geeters!!

That's the problem I'm having. I can get back to my great-aunt Bertie who lived in Tulsa. But then she moved to California and her trail went dead. Maybe she did too. And then there's great-great-uncle Henry from Philadelphia.

Philly. Now we're getting warmer. Go on.

(Matt gives Doc a "huh?" expression)

That Henry was a man who had, as near as I can figure, about 17 children, each with a different woman.

You don't say!

I do say! Trying to track all those people down here in the end of the 19th century is driving me nuts. I have had telegrams sent out to 123 different families asking questions about who they are, etc.

(beat)

Would you believe I have not gotten even one reply?

Did you tell them who you are?

Of course I did. I even pretended to have money to give them if they would help me.

That didn't help either?

No! I tell you, I'm going bonkers trying to figure out what to do next.

If I were you, I would just write back to this lawyer fellow and tell him if he doesn't hand over the cash you are going to have him arrested. If that doesn't work, then go find him, secure the cake and then just string him up!

(looking at Doc like he has flipped)

Doc, are you serious?

Sure. In the medical profession I often have to roll out the threats to get done what I want.

JUST THEN, CHESTER COMES FROM THE BACK OF THE JAIL.

Doc, what are you doing here?

Trying to help Matt latch on to some heavy cake.

CHESTER'S INTEREST IS PEAKED.

Oh, are we trying to fool those geneology people again with more Kansas-style idle threats?

Yes we are, Chester.

(to Matt)

You mean you have tried this before?

Doc, you old coot! You thought you were the first to hear about this?!

(gives Doc the "really?" expression)