MS. TILLER IS HANDLING THE PHONES, AS USUAL.

Ronnie's Pest Control. May I help you?

Hey, I think I have mice under my house. Can you come see?

Ah, why do you think that, sir?

Well, I hear the squeaks 'bout all the time.

You don't hear scraping or gnawing sounds?

I don't think so. Sometimes I hear a whirring sound, I think.

Sir, you most assuredly do not have mice. You probably have crawl-space vermin of a more serious nature. I'm talking possums.

SANDRA SNEED, TILLER'S OFFICE MATE, IS HEARING PAULINE HANDLE THE CALL.

(whispering)

Hey, Pauline, throw in the possibility of porcupines like Ronnie said to do.

Oh yeah, those sounds could be coming from one or another strain of our local 'pines.

What?

Porcupines!

I doubt it. And we ain't got possums either.

How do you know?

My son said it's mice.

And, how does your son know?

He's good at identifying rodent evidence and sounds.

What evidence?

The droppings.

Droppings?! You have seen actual droppings? I thought you didn't go under your house.

I didn't.

Well, ...

My son did. Day before yesterday.

Why didn't you say that?

I wanted to see how far you'd go trying to sell a service I can handle myself with a few Victor traps.

Sir, you have wasted my time, and -

(beat)

He hung up.

Hey Pauline, let me take the next call, ok?

AN HOUR PASSES. PHONE RINGS.

Ronnies Pest Control. May I help you?

Hey, I think I have possums living under my house. Can you come see?

Is this the same joker who called about an hour ago talking about mice?

No mam. I was in the bathroom an hour ago. That's where I thought I heard the possums.

And how, pray tell, could you hear possums?

(whispering)

Good one, Sandra.

SANDRA IS TRYING TO KEEP FROM LAUGHING.

JUST THEN, RONNIE, THE COMPANY OWNER ENTERS THE ROOM.

Well, can you come see about the possibility that I do have possums?

Sir, possums are not the type creatures we like to -

ABRUPTLY, RONNIE REACHES OVER AND GRABS THE PHONE FROM SANDRA.

Ah, sir, I am sorry. Where did you say the possums were?

RONNIE THROWS PAULINE, AND SANDRA, DIRTY LOOKS. THEY SHRINK AWAY TO THE COFFEE MACHINE.

I heard them under the kitchen. Sounded like they were playing a game or something. Lots of chattering.

If you could give me your address I can send a man right out.

Well, I'd like to but I can't.

What is this, some type of joke?

PAULINE AND SANDRA IN THE HALL ARE GIGGLING.

RONNIE SLAMS THE PHONE DOWN.

(to the two women)

You two. Come in here please.

THE TWO WOMEN WALK TOWARD RONNIE.

What's going on here? I leave my office for an animal call for 30 minutes and come back to see Sandra, the office pesticide mixer, talking to a potential client. That's your job, Pauline! Or maybe you don't want that job any longer. Huh?

Well, Ronnie, we were just having a little fun. Can't you just get over it?

(being falsely agreeable)

Well, eh heh heh, seeing as you were just having fun and all, ...

(turns serious)

NO! I can't get over it.

(beat)

I want both of your resignation letters by 5 o'clock.

What? You can't be serious!

Oh yeah? Look out of your window and see vacant parking spaces where your cars were previously parked. Already gone! How's that for speedy?

Hey now, Ronnie. That's dirty pool! Where are our cars? Well, I mean, where is my car?

Try looking over on Pete's Rides lot. They might just be there.

You didn't!

PHONE RINGS AND PAULINE ANSWERS, PERHAPS FOR THE LAST TIME.

(looking for sympathy from Ronnie)

Ronnie's Pest Control. May I help you?

RONNIE IS WAITING TO SEE IF THE CALL IS NEW BUSINESS.

Do yall get monkeys out of craw-spaces?

(Ronnie wants the phone, NOW!)

Sir? Sir, my boss wants to talk to you.

PAULINE HANDS THE PHONE TO RONNIE.

Yeah, this is Ronnie, owner of this company. What's your problem?

Got monkeys.

Monkeys? Around here?

Either they are monkeys or some other varmint is eating a huge number of bananas near the door to under my house.

Ever consider it might be raccoons? They will eat their weight in bananas each day. Maybe sooner.

(beat)

Hello? ... Hello?