This is the city, Los Angeles, California.

Officer Bill Gannon and I were working the daywatch out of the juvenile division when we got the case of the missing student. You see, there are good people and there are bad people in this city. The good ones go about their business and not many others notice. Not even the bad ones. The bad ones try to do all kind of bad things to the good ones. That's where I come in. I'm a cop. A good cop!

Joe, you really ought to work on that intro.

Maybe.

(beat)

My partner, Bill Gannon, and I had just finished a tasty bagel breakfast when we got a call from the Captain.

(Joe on the phone)

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Yes

Nooooo!

What is he saying? What is he saying?

(covering the phone mouthpiece)

Bill, now don't you think I'll tell you when I finish?!

(goes back to the phone call)

Yes.

Yes. Yes

Yes.

Yes.

Ok. Bye.

(hangs up phone)

Well?

The Captain wants us to stop wasting so much time eating.

BOTH MEN ARE SHOWN SHAKING THEIR HEADS "NO". SECONDS LATER THEY BOTH STAND UP AND WALK OVER TO THE DAYWATCH "IN" BASKET AND PULL THE CASE ON THE TOP OF THE STACK.

TO HIMSELF, FRIDAY READS ABOUT THE CASE.

Well, what does it say?

Something about a lost wallet. Well, that seems pretty trivial.

Why don't we try again?

BOTH MEN ARE SHOWN SHAKING THEIR HEADS "YES".

FRIDAY PUTS THE CASE DESCRIPTION AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PILE AND DRAWS OUT ANOTHER ONE.

(reading aloud)

This one's to find out why little Billy Simms is skipping school three out of five days per week.

Who is little Billy Simms? Someone we ought to have heard of?

Now, Bill, I wouldn't know.

(beat)

This one OK with you, Bill?

I guess.

You know, I was just thinking about that bagel we just finished eating. If we had gotten the egg and bacon on white bread instead I'll bet we could have saved a nickel or two. What do you think, Joe?

(Friday is shown shaking his head in disbelief.)

Let's go.

FRIDAY AND GANNON ARE SEEN DRIVING IN THE LOS ANGELES TRAFFIC. THEY ARRIVE SOON AT A HOUSE IN BEVERLY HILLS AND STOP AND GET OUT.

This it?

Now, Bill, why do you think I would have stopped the car unless it was our destination?

My, aren't we testy today?!

(beat)

Come on, what's eating you, Joe? Lack of female companionship, if you get my drift?

I'll make it.

If you say so. I know I really like coming home to someone cuddly and hot. If you get my drift.

What's all the, "If you get my drift" stuff?

GANNON JUST LOOKS AT BILL WITH A DULL STARE.

FRIDAY RINGS THE DOORBELL. BOTH MEN WAIT MINUTES.

FRIDAY AND GANNON ARE FINALLY GREETED BY LITTLE KID.

Hi. We're the police. Are you Billy Simms? Cause if you are, you're in a big pile of trouble.

Ah, no. My name is little Frankie Swindle.

FRIDAY AND GANNON ARE SHOWN SHAKING THEIR HEADS IN DISBELIEF.

Swindle huh?

Yes. Ah, Swindle.

Is there a person named Billy Simms here?

Not that I know of.

A CALL IS HEARD FROM ELSEWHERE IN THE HOUSE.

Billy, who is at the door?

FRIDAY AND GANNON FLASH THEIR BADGES TO THE KID AND LUNGE TO GRAB HIM.

Let me alone. So what if I am little Billy Simms? I didn't do nothing!

Well, technically you are correct. You didn't do nothing; you did something.

GANNON SHAKES HIS HEAD AGREEING WITH THE GRAMMAR LESSON.

Well, Joe, you want me to cuff him or do you want to do it?

(loudly)

MOM! COME HERE QUICK!

Quick, Bill, help me shove this gag in his mouth.

OK.

GANNON PULLS WHAT APPEARS TO BE A WADDED SOCK OUT OF HIS POCKET AND SHOVES IT INTO LITTLE BILLY SIMMS' MOUTH, MUFFLING HIM HENCEFORTH.

Good work, partner.

THE TWO OFFICERS DRAG OFF LITTLE BILLY SIMMS AND TOSS HIM IN THE BACK SEAT OF THE CAR.

BILLY'S MOM FINALLY APPEARS AT THE FRONT DOOR, ALL SHOOK UP.

Hey! What are you two doing with my son?

I'm afraid his truancy has caught up to him, mam. You can come visit him on Saturday mornings at the detention home.

Saturday morning is my yoga class.

FRIDAY AND GANNON SHAKE THEIR HEADS IN DISBELIEF.

WHILE IN THE CAR HEADED FOR HIS ARRAIGNMENT, LITTLE BILLY SIMMS SPITS OUT THE GAG AND PLAYS HIS ACE.

Excuse me officers, have either of you ever heard of an obscure but very valuable 50's LP record called the "Crepitation Contest"?

I beg your pardon?

I have. I used to listen to it on the way to get my obligatory colonoscopy checks. It was a hoot.

(beat)

What does a young kid, in trouble for continued truancy, possibly know about that recording?

Well, my uncle was the person Lord Windesmear was modeled after. I kid you not. I could arrange to have you meet him if I somehow could be set free and we forget this whole arraignment thing.

FRIDAY TURNS TO LOOK OVER HIS RIGHT SHOULDER AT THE KID IN THE BACK SEAT.

Deal!

JOE PULLS THE CAR OVER, GETS OUT AND OPENS THE BACK DOOR AND PULLS BILLY OUT.

Now Billy, Officer Friday - that's me - wouldn't take too kindly to being double-crossed on this meeting with your uncle.

Oh sure. I will call him as soon as I get back home and arrange the whole thing. You have my word.

GANNON IS LOOKING AT THE PROCEEDINGS IN DISBELIEF.

Now Billy, you run along home and call me when the meeting time and place has been set.

(Friday looks at his partner)

What?