BILL DUCK, HEAD OF NAME-O-MATIC, IS MEETING WITH A FEW OF HIS BEST GUYS REGARDING POSSIBLE NAMES FOR BANDS THAT HAVE PAID THE $500 FEE FOR THEIR IDEAS.

Well, let's see here. Have any of you seen these forms yet?

I haven't. Which one we talking about?

This one. It's for a group of 5 guys who play acoustic guitars and hum familiar tunes. It says here, they do a lot of background music at former-hippie funerals. OK, any immediate thoughts?

Well, one name just jumps out at me: "The Five Hummers"... Huh? Good?

No. Not very good. Too on-the-nose. Maybe something like, "Jimmy Hummer and the Guit-Box Five".

How about, "Horace Hummer and the Great Guitar Group of Guys"? ... Kind of doubly alliterative, you know. Catchy.

Nope. That's kind of weak and silly. In fact, it's real weak and silly. Can't you guys do better than this?

Did you say these guys are Mexican?

I did not.

Oh. 'Cause I was going to suggest, "Pedro and the G-Men".

DUCK JUST STARES AT DONNER.

Ok. I know, "weak". Right?

Extremely so. Listen, I know $500 isn't much but we have to do better than this. We've got our reputation to protect here. Now, come on!

I've got a suggestion. Since there are five of them, what about "Star on Guitar"? You know, stars are five-pointed and all?

Or, tweak that a little, to get, "Simpleton". Kind of offbeat, but so was "The Beatles", back in the day.

You're getting warmer. Tweak that some more.

Let's take it all the way to, "Check, please!".

That's it! Book it! Now we need a few back-ups for this customer, just in case. Let me have a few more good ideas. Even just half-baked will do. We gotta move on here.

I have always liked names like, "Someone and the something's". So, ... I propose we give this group the name, "Fred and the Four Other Mutes". You know, 'cause they only hum.

But, with a mute being part of a trumpet player's equipment, doesn't that clash with guitar playing?

No. Nobody's going to be confused, if that's what you're suggesting.

That's what I am suggesting.

Fine!

How about, "Thud!". Or, "Ka Boom!". The sound names.

Maybe. Give me more.

What about, "Boing!".

Too harsh. Too cartoonish.

"Ker POW!"?

Martin, you go get us some coffee, ok?

MARTIN TRUDGES OFF.

Maybe combine names we've already passed on: "Thud Star and his Guitar Strumming Hummers".

Too long.

"Thud Hummer", then.

That's it! I love it.

Oh, wait! It may be that there's some country act we already offerred that name to.

"Thud Hummer"? I don't think so.

DONNER HAS BROUGHT OVER A BOOK WITH ALL OF THE COMPANY'S PAST SUGGESTED BAND NAMES.

Yep. My bad. Thud Hummer was offered to Elvis Costello in a cold-call mailing. But, he never is billed as Thud Hummer. So ...

So, does that count? I mean, he didn't pay anything.

Yeah, but he sort of optioned the name, implicitly.

You think?

Well, offer it to the hummers. If they never play a gig with Costello, you win. It's your company, Mr. Duck.