MIKE ANDERSON AND THREE OF HIS BEST TAXIDERMISTS HAVE LAID EVERYTHING ON THE TABLE LOOKING FOR WAYS TO TRIM THE COSTS.

So, do any of you then believe that if we restricted our services to animals no larger than, say, a grouse, we'd be better off? I mean, could we turn a profit still?

Mike, you know as well as I do that the customers want a quick, cheap stuff these days. Nobody cares about a real quality job. This ain't the good ole days.

Who said it was? All I'm saying is that the Chinese are cleaning our clocks on the traditional stuffs: raccoons, game cats, big fish and the like.

And dogs.

And dogs. Right. Did I say, "cleaning our clocks"? I meant killing us!

Aren't those pretty much the same thing?

Don, we need answers here!

(beat)

Now, let's talk about the material we use most often. The S-45 material is based on petroleum. Oil goes up, we take a hit. I was thinking, though. Instead of using S-45 or any tangible material at all, for that matter, would it be possible to tighten up the hides some and then just fill the specimes up with air - with a cheap bladder that wouldn't leak?

Didn't one of your competitors try that a few years back to a devastating end?

I don't recall. Remind me ... what happened?

Seems I remember that someone lost their foot or something. It was a big deal.

ANDERSON LOOKS AT AMOS IN DISBELIEF.

What?! Filling up a dead bobcat with air caused someone to lose their leg?

I said foot.

Right. Foot. Well, I still don't know how that could have happened.

I think the animal being dealt with wasn't quite all the way gone. And, had some sharp teeth. Something like that.

Preposterous! Anybody else hear of that?

I haven't.

What about you, Frink?

I did hear about something like that. I thought it was a mink, though. And its teeth cut some guy who had to do the tetanus shot routine. It wasn't a foot.

Maybe that was something different.

What? The teeth cut?

Yeah.

No, it was the same thing. I don't know how the foot part got added.

ANDERSON LOOKS BEFUTTLED.

Well, nevertheless, I need to know if the blown-up, air bladder method would be as good as using S-45 material.

Isn't the S-45 material at least somewhat sterilized?

Sterilized?!

Yeah, you know. Boiled or irradiated, or some such?

Not that I have ever heard of. I think it's just really treated, recycled newsprint. They get it wet, add some spicy smelling oil-based stuff, then dry it, roll it up then make 5 prices selling it to people like me.

I know!

You know what, Frink?

That your costs have risen.

Frink, that's what we're talking about. Are you listening?! I know it's expensive! That's why we're here. What do you think of the bladder idea?

Well, I guess it could work. How would the bladder be sealed so that air never excaped?

You mean escaped?

Escaped.

Sealed? What do I care if the air leaks out down the road? First, we'd have been paid. Second, by the time the animal is stiff - and that won't take long - it wouldn't mater about the air leak. The creature would have already assumed its final pose. Don't you see?

I think you're forgetting about the initial period after the stuff. The customers will be looking at their stuff with keen eyes until they get used to it. Suppose in that period - probably just in that few days - the air started to leak. The, the animal, not being really hard, could lean or fall over or even worse - start to stink. You think you've got problems now!? Once the word got out that Stuff This! doesn't really care about what they do, your business is over.

I see your point.

Suppose we move our offices each week, so we never receive mail and the previous customers find it nearly impossible to get a bead on us to arrange a personal visit to complain? That way we could use them Tiwanese bladders and we couldn't care less if they leak a few days out of our shop.

So, you're proposing that the cost of renting a trailer to use as office space, moving said trailer frequetly and continuing to do shoddy work would be cheaper in the long term than doing better work?

The Chinese have no overhead. Essentially. Maybe dues to their local Mao society, but nothing much. I heard from someone that they can stuff over 80 possums a day. We just cannot compete. We have to find other ways to get an edge. Eighty possums!

I know it. That's a lot of possums. Is it possums or opossums, anyway?

Huh?

I really didn't even know possums were that prevalent in China. I guess a country that big has about everything. I know they got them black and white bears ... So, is the bladder idea a keeper? Let's take a poll.

I say yes. Opossums? Really?

I vote yes, also, ... Frink?

I say no. Too risky.

David? ... DAVID?

Oh, uh, ... Yes.

Well, gentlemen, I believe we have a plan moving forward. David, see if you can find me a pair of rubber gloves. I am going to try my idea out right now. Anyone have a bladder?

I believe each of us has a bladder, Mr. Anderson! Mine, however, can be a little uncooperative sometimes, however!

ALL THE MEN GET A GOOD LAUGH.

Never mind that, find me an air bladder and watch me work.

MIKE ANDERSON CLEARS A SPOT ON A WORK TABLE AND GRABS SEVERAL DEAD CATS.

HE RECOGNIZES ONE OF THE SPECIMENS.

Say, isn't this fellow Mrs. Britton's tabby, Kittius? This stinking cat was always scratching up her chaise's upholstery. He's our first experiment. Yeah, ... now toss me a pair of #14 tongs and an extra large fish hook extractor.

ANDERSON GETS A GOOD WHIFF OF THE STACK OF CATS.

Man! These cats stink! Didn't I tell you guys to put some of that bathroom spray on these things right away?