ORAL PITTS IS STANDING BEFORE HIS ACTUAL AND ELECTRONIC FLOCKS AT THAT TIME IN HIS SHOW WHEN HE PLEADS FOR DONATIONS TO BE ABLE TO CARRY ON HIS WORK.

People, I think you know why I'm here begging - again. Yes, the work of the Lord is really never done. We need to keep feeding the poor, clothing the needy and doing good deeds around the country and the world.

JUST THEN A HECKLER FROM WITHIN THE STAFF'S RANKS INTERRUPTS PITTS.

Hey Pitts! Why don't you mention your personal investment portfolio? Or your limos? Or your vacation house in Palm Springs?

PITTS TRIES TO IGNORE THE SHOUTS.

The Lord has created all kinds on this good Earth. The needy, the poor, the rich, and the RUDE!

Pitts, you couldn't do a real miracle if your life depended on it!

PITTS CANNOT IGNORE THE HECKLER ANY LONGER.

Sir, I rarely stoop to even acknowledge people like you, but today, before this vast audience of millions I am going to do a miracle. And I want you to witness it first-hand. Come over here, please.

PITTS WAITS UNTIL THE HECKLER IS VISIBLE TO HIM. HE IS SHOCKED TO FIND THAT HE WAS BEING HARASSED BY A LONG-TIME STAFFER WHO HE THOUGHT WAS FIRMLY IN THE FOLD.

Please, sir, stand over here. Now to prove my ministry is sincere and real and that I am certainly not a fake, I will, oh, let's see ...

(Pitts ponders)

... make this podium disappear. No, wait! I've got it. I'll make you disappear!

THE HECKLER IS LOOKING A LITTLE UNEASY.

PITTS LEANS OVER AND WHISPERS SOMETHING TO ONE OF HIS BODYGUARDS, WHO THEN IMMEDIATELY JUMPS UP AND HEADS OFF THE STAGE.

Are you ready, sir? Do you still doubt me?

Certainly do.

Okay, here we go.

PITTS BEGINS TO WAVE HIS ARMS AND SWIRL A COLORFUL BANDANA OVER AND ABOUT THE HECKLER. THEN BEGINS TO CHANT.

Hokus pokus, dominukus, illy kazam, illy kazay, make this heckler go far, far away!

PITTS SIGNALS TO OFFSTAGE. SUDDENLY THERE IS A LARGE PUFF OF SMOKE WHICH RISES OUT OF THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF THE HECKLER. ATTEMPTING TO BE HIDDEN IN THE SMOKE CLOUD, PERSONNEL RUSH OUT TO GRAB THE HECKLER AND HUSTLE HIM OFF THE STAGE. HOWEVER THE SMOKE CHARGE LAST LOADED WAS INSUFFICIENT AND THE ENTIRE EVENT WAS CLEARLY VISIBLE TO EVERYONE. THE SMOKE CLEARED AND THE HECKLER WAS STILL STANDING THERE.

PITTS THINKS FAST, TO SALVAGE THE SNAFU.

It's a miracle! It's a miracle! The Lord has caused my magic powers to be struck down as impotent so as to spare this young man! Thank you, Lord! Yes, thank you.

PITTS TURNS HIS BACK, THEN TURNS BACK AROUND, POIGNANTLY FACING HIS FOLLOWERS.

Friends, please call the toll-free number on your screen and make a pledge of at least $35 to help me regain my magical/religious powers.