CRF


	MORNING

9:30	*MASH - Comedy, 30 min.** Col. Potter learns his pension has been lost in a bureaucratic snafu. Hawkeye is duped by a local kid into believing his tent has been infested with "asian fleas".

10:30	MARY TYLER MOORE - Comedy, 30 min. Mary and Murray scheme to replace Lou's colesterol-laden bag lunch with a lovely poultry croissant.

11AM	BATTLE OF THE BANDS - Funky sound contest, 1 hr. An all-funk event tonight as the defending champion, The Tower of Power, takes on the Wandering Cornet Tooters, from Ireland.

	EVENING

7PM	"THE NUTTY ACROBAT" - Tape delay from France, 1 hr. Jerry Lewis scales the Eiffel tower to the wild applause of onlookers and adoring fans, the quantity of which is dumbfounding to the world outside of France. Nevertheless, Lewis plays the loyal fans like a fiddle when he pretends to be contemplating jumping off several times on his way up. His trademark ridiculous facial contortions rendered at a rather lofty altitude would, however, seem to be largely wasted.

9PM	SCRIPTED ABSURDITY - Jungle exploring, 30 min. James Caan and Ringo Starr lead an expedition into the jungles of Brazil in search of the lost world of the Masakutlan Indians.

SCRIPTED ABSURDITY

A Safari with Ringo Starr and James Caan

FADE IN: DAY, JUNGLE

AS THE GROUP WINDS DEEPER AND DEEPER INTO THE VINES AND DARKNESS WHICH IS THE JUNGLE, THE PARTY STOPS TO RECONNOITER. AN ARGUMENT SOON ENSUES.

CAAN

What the ... Where are we, Starr? Are we lost again?

STARR

How the [censored] should I know?! I told you we should have gone west back there at the river. Why didn't you listen to me?

THE NATIVE PEOPLE WHO HAVE ACCOMPANIED THE TWO CELEBRITIES IN EXCHANGE FOR A MEAGER PAY RATE ARE SENSING THAT THE DISPUTE BETWEEN THE TWO AMERICANS IS ESCALATING.

CAAN

Listen to you? You're nothing but a drummer. What do you know about navigation?

STARR

Oh, and I suppose your middle name is Gyro-compass!

CAAN

Hey, I might be green but I know a lot more about this kind of thing than you ever will!

STARR

Oh yeah? Let's just see how much you know!

CAAN

Huh?

STARR

What is the easy way to tell what the local deflection of magnetic North is?

CAAN

Huh?

STARR

See! I knew it!

CAAN

Well, I might not know that kind of esoteric BS but I sure do know how to act! I made you think I thought I knew, didn't I?

STARR

Caan, you're lost. And you can't navigate. Now we're going to just see how much of a big shot explorer you are.

STARR GOES OVER TO THE NATIVES AND BEGINS SPEAKING IN THEIR OWN LANGUAGE AND TELLS THEM THEY MUST NOW DECIDE WHICH OF THE CELEBRITIES THEY WANT TO FOLLOW ON THE REMAINDER OF THEIR JOURNEY.

CAAN

What did you tell them?

STARR

I told them that they must follow you or me; we're splitting up right here and now.

CAAN

You can't be serious, chum. Buddy. Old pal.

STARR

Can it Caan! Hey, that's pretty good! 'Can it, Caan'. Get it? Can and Caan? Pretty good, huh?

CAAN

Come on Ringo, let's think about this thing some more. I think that I'll just get in line behind you here and just follow on along. Now, come on. Let's go. Come on. Come on, Ringo, old friend, let's go.

WITH A SHAKE OF HIS HEAD IN DISGUST AND A SWAT AT SOME OF THE FLYING PESTILENCE THAT IS OMNIPRESENT IN THE JUNGLES, RINGO PREPARES TO LEAD THE EXPLORATION PARTY ON THEIR JOURNEY, HEADING WEST THIS TIME, WITH CAAN TROOPING ALONG BEHIND.