Are you the owner of this horse?

I certainly am.

Do you deny whipping this animal on the afternoon of March 2?

Whipping? I don't know if whipping is the right word.

Well, how about beating? Is that better?

How about flog? I think that flog would be better.

How about conquer? It was brutal I'm telling you!

THE OFFICER TURNS AROUND QUICKLY AND FACES IN ED'S DIRECTION TO SEE WHO HAD SAID THAT.

Who's there? Who said that?

I did, you fool!

THE OFFICER HAS A DUMBFOUNDED EXPRESSION HIS FACE, NEVER BEFORE HAVING ENCOUNTERED A TALKING HORSE.

Who in the crap reported this anyway? Was it you Ed?

Maybe.

THE OFFICER IS COMPLETELY AMAZED TO BE HEARING AN ANIMAL WHO CAN TALK.

You know, Ed. I ought to ship your sorry butt off to the glue factory. You don't do anything around here, you miserable hayburner!

Wilbur, I had had all I was going to take from you. That terrible beating -

ED LOOKS TO SEE IF THE OFFICER HAD HEARD THAT LAST ADJECTIVE.

- was the last straw. I was fed up with -

WILBUR LEAPS OVER THE HALF-DOOR WHICH HAD BECOME HIS TRADEMARK PROP.

Why you lousy nag, I'm going to tear your tonsils out!

WILBUR WAS NOW STANDING FACE TO FACE WITH ED. SUDDENLY ED SEEMED A MUCH MORE FORMIDABLE FOE AS WILBUR WAS GIVING UP AN EASY 1400 POUNDS. UNFORTUNATELY FOR WILBUR, ED SENSED HIS TREPIDATION AND WENT ON THE OFFENSIVE HIMSELF, STOMPING ON WILBUR'S FOOT.

Ouch! OOWWWWW! Ow! What did you do that for? Are you crazy?

You whip or beat or flog me again and I'll stomp all of you! You got that?!

WILBUR REACHES FOR THE PHONE, LEADING ED TO BELIEVE HE WAS GOING TO MAKE THE LONG-THREATENED CALL TO THE GLUE BOYS.

Guess who I'm calling, Ed? Go ahead, take a -

JUST THEN ED REACHED DOWN AND PRODUCED A .44 FROM THE CORNER OF THE STALL.

And I suppose you can really pull the trig - (BANG! BANG!)

You know, officer, they don't make horse care-givers like they used to. Agree?